Scars
by SweetSunnyRose
Summary: 1976. War is approaching. Memories are returning. Girls are being attacked around the castle. A couple is falling in love. But toughest of all: learning to look past the Scars. Marauders era fic. Remus/OC including James, Sirius, Peter, and Lily.
1. Prologue

Hi! Ok, so, I had this story up here once before, but I removed it because I hadn't updated it in a long time and didn't think I would for quite a while still. Wouldn't you know it though, two weeks later my Harry Potter muse lit a fire under my toosh, and I haven't been able to stop writing. So here you go, for everyone that was reading it before it's back, and with new chapters too! I promise I won't take it down again.

Full Summary:

Found half dead just beyond the ruins of a burning house, a young girl is rescued by a Ministry Official and adopted as his own daughter. She can remember nothing of how she got there or what happened. Six years later and she is beginning her sixth year at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Slowly her memories begin to resurface, and one by one the scars that cover her body are explained. In the midst of completing their studies and preparing for the oncoming war, a group of teens are about to discover something very important about themselves: that it is not what we do or the life we live that defines us, but rather, what we do with that life and the people we choose to love that does.

Set during the Marauder era. Includes a teen James Potter, Sirius Black, Remus Lupin, Peter Pettigrew, Lily Evans, an original character, and the Professors of Hogwarts. A Remus/OC fanfic.

Disclaimer: I do not own any recognizable HP character. They belong to JKR, I am merely borrowing them for a short while. However, Kate is all mine!

Hope you all enjoy!

~SweetSunnyRose

Edit: This prologue has been edited. All the violence has been taken out. But no new details have really been added.

* * *

Prologue

It was a cold winter night in the mountainous region of Cumberland. Snow already caked the frozen ground yet still more was falling, gently and silently. On a deserted mountain side stood a forgotten house. The lights were on, but they hardly reflected the celebratory atmosphere of the nearest town, some twenty kilometers away. A new year was beginning as 1968 gave way to 1969.

The house was just as old and grungy on the inside as it was on the outside. Shingles were missing from the roof. Holes were patched roughly. Shutters hung from their hinges. The steps leading up to the front door creaked when walked upon. Surrounding the house was nothing but forest. Tree upon tree upon tree, thick brush scaled the mountain side.

The spell of silence on the house and the surrounding mountains broke as the house suddenly erupted in flames. From the pile of rubble, a little girl began to crawl away, her legs too weak to carry her. The young girl, covered in ashes and soot, crawled through the packed snow to the edge of the forest behind the house. She stopped when she reached a beech tree, only because she could carry her body no further. She collapsed before it as her arms gave way, and received a mouth full of snow. With what strength was left in her, she rolled over onto her back and looked up at the night sky.

The snow had now stopped and the clouds had parted. The moon was a quarter full, or a quarter empty depending on how one chose to view it; to the girl it was a quarter full. Leo the Lion sat high in the sky watching over the little girl. So many times before the girl had laid at this same spot and watched the night stars wishing to be among them. The stars were what reminded her that there was a world outside the prison she knew. The young girl would gaze up at the stars and dream of the day when she could leave this life behind.

Today was no different. The young girl knew that the time when she would leave this life was near. And she could not think of a better last sight to see, than the sight of the moon and the stars shining, smiling, down upon her.

The house continued to crumble and burn, the smoke rising up into the night. Several minutes later and the burning house was surrounded by a dozen men, men who had appeared out of thin air. These men held in their hands long narrow sticks and from these sticks water poured forth like a fountain and doused the flames.

"Search the derbies men! And the surrounding area! Look for any survivors! We must determine what happened before any Muggle grows suspicious!" A man upfront called out orders; his lime green bowler hat was visible even in the dark night. The other men immediately set to work. Little did any of them know, but no Muggle would grow suspicious or miss the family that lived there.

The search went on and on, but no body was found in the ruble. There were no charred remains among the ashes. No skeletons under the piles of burnt wood. There was no sign of life at all. The only evidence of prior human contact was a pair of horn-rimmed glasses and pieces of broken furniture. As the search radius widened, one man found the path left by the girl. He followed it out to the forest.

"I've found a body!" he called out in a husky voice. "A little girl, wait…I thi—I think she's… Yes! She's alive! Cornelius, over here! I've found a survivor!" The man with the husky voice dropped to his knees before the beech tree at the edge of the forest; before the young girl.

"Child, can you hear me? What's your name? Are you hurt?" the husky voice asked the young girl. She remained silent, staring up at the stars. His hazel eyes looked over her, checking for injuries. There was one fresh wound amongst a canvas of scars; a cut on her face down to the bone from which she cried red tears. Her sapphire eyes were hazed over in a dreamy fashion and contrasted against her pale skin. A glint of gold around her wrist caught his eye. He gently lifted it up and examined it. It was a gold plated bracelet with a single star charm; etched into the star was the name Kate.

"What's her name?" the man with the bowler hat asked as he joined the man with the husky voice.

"She hasn't spoken. But I've found this." He held up her wrist and displayed the gold bracelet. "I think her name might be Kate. Cornelius, she can't be more than nine years old."

Cornelius nodded his head solemnly. "Take her to St. Mungo's. We'll finish up here and I'll join you shortly," he told the man with the husky voice.

"Kate," the man with the husky voice looked down at the young girl again. "My name is Harold. I'm going to take you to the hospital now. You're going to be alright."

The young girl remained unaware of the two men surrounding her. She continued to stare up at the sky. She smiled sweetly. Her eyes fluttered closed as the darkness surrounded her.


	2. Star Gazing

A brief note, anytime you see a "~SSW~" this is just indicating a pause or a change of scenery.

* * *

Star Gazing

_Twinkle, twinkle, little star,  
How I wonder what you are!  
Up above the world so high,  
Like a diamond in the sky_

…

_'Tis your bright and tiny spark,  
Lights the trav'ller in the dark :  
Tho' I know not what you are,  
Twinkle, twinkle, little star__._

-_The Star_ by Ann Taylor

I love the stars. I love the way they glow. I love the shapes they make. I love everything about them. I love looking up at the night sky and finding the different constellations. Every night for as long as I can remember, which honestly isn't that long, I've gone outside and just stared up at the sky. Tonight was no different. I stood, on the balcony of the Astronomy Tower, with my advanced telescope, star gazing once again.

You may be curious as to why I said I haven't been remembering things for that long. I'm sixteen years old, and even though in the span of things that's not very old, that's not what I meant. You see, I can't remember most of my childhood, though I'm not really sure I'd want to. I can only remember about the last six or so years of my life. To be honest, I don't even know if I'm really sixteen. I can't remember when my birthday actually is. But my "family" and I celebrate it on the day that I joined their already existing family of three.

My name is Kate and about six years ago my adoptive father Harold rescued me from the ashes of my home. Somehow, when the fire broke out, I managed to escape and crawl to the edge of the forest. That's where Harold found me. He took me to Saint Mungo's Hospital, but when I regained consciousness I could remember nothing about my former life. No family member ever came by the hospital to claim me; I was alone. It's like life had just started anew for me. Several old men tried and tried, with no avail, to discover the truth. But even today it remains a mystery.

I said I joined Harold's family of three. The other two members of our family are his wife, Jeanette, and his son, James. James and I are now the same age and we attend school together. We share most of the same classes and James hardly ever lets me out of his sight. He promised Harold that he would look after me and not let anything harm me, and he's been true to his word. Though I daresay I can take care of myself. Nevertheless, I let James do his thing. Things are just a little easier that way.

As you may have guessed, my favorite subject is astronomy. I would have said it was my best as well, but to be honest I make an 'Outstanding' in all my classes, except for history of magic. It seems I'm not very good with history; I can't even remember my own. James' favorite subject is defense against the dark arts but, like me he is good at all his subjects. We also both really like transfiguration. I imagine these may sound like strange classes to you, defense against the dark arts, history of magic, and transfiguration. But you see, James and I are wizards. Well he's a wizard and I'm a witch. And we are students at the finest magic school around, Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, under the finest headmaster around, Albus Dumbledore.

Headmaster Dumbledore was one of the old men I mentioned earlier. You know, one of the ones who visited me in the hospital to try and figure out what was wrong with me. A handful of those men wanted to strip me of my powers because they thought that I was dangerous and that I'd caused the fire. But Harold and Headmaster Dumbledore vouched for me and said that even if I had started the fire then I wasn't the one to blame, because I was only about nine or ten at the time and couldn't be expected to control my magic. Headmaster Dumbledore seemed to think that if I was the cause for the fire, then I must have been under extreme pressure or stress in order for my magic to get so out of hand. Sometimes I wish I knew what really happened, and other times I'm grateful that I don't.

I took one last look at the star I was studying through my telescope. It was getting close to curfew and I had to get back to the Gryffindor common room. I smiled as a slight breeze rustled my hair. I packed up my telescope carefully and turned to leave. Before stepping back inside, I looked up at the sky again, and smiled. It was so beautiful.

~SSW~

It seemed only minutes later that I walked through the portrait hole into the common room. It was nearly empty. A few seventh year students were sitting around the fire doing a pile of homework. School had barely been in session for a week and already they had a pile of homework; I was not looking forward to next year. Hardly anyone noticed that I had entered, and that was fine with me. I never liked too much attention. That's probably why I didn't have too many friends, only James and his crew, the Marauders.

"There you are Kate," Lily Evans said as she approached me. Lily was a beautiful red head girl that shared a dorm with me, and James had a huge crush on her. "James has been annoying the hell out of me. Well, more so than usual anyways. He's been worried about you. He didn't know where you were. And he thinks I should know. He's such a prat."

"I'm sorry Lily," I apologized. "Where is he now?"

"He's in his dorm."

"Thanks, I'll take care of him." I walked past her and headed for the stairs that led up to the boys' dormitories.

"Right. And can you send Remus down; we need to start our rounds," Lily added before I had completely left.

I nodded my 'yes' and continued on my way. Thankfully the stairs were empty. When I reached the door labeled Sixth Year Boys, I stopped and pressed my ear against it. I could hear muffled voices on the other side; they were all there. I knocked lightly and a moment later there was a shuffle as someone rushed to the door.

"Who's there?" someone asked. I recognized the voice as Sirius Black's.

"A cat as dark as the night," I responded with a smile. The door opened instantly and I stepped inside.

"Kate! It's about time! Where have you been?" James asked as he jumped off his bed to greet me with a bone crushing hug.

I winced and held up the box which contained my telescope. "Where do you think James?"

"I told you she would be star gazing, Prongs," Remus said from his bed.

"Oh piss off Moony," James said as he threw a dirty sock at him. Remus blocked the sock with his wand and sent it flying back to smack James in the face.

Ah, Boys.

"Lily is looking for you Remus. She says it's time to start your rounds," I said as I moved further into the room.

"Right, well, I was just waiting for you to get back. We wouldn't want our Leo to get in trouble for breaking curfew," Remus replied as he laid a hand on my shoulder. "I'll be back in about an hour." He smiled sweetly, he always smiled sweetly, and walked out.

"Well, as you can see James, I'm back and I'm unscathed. You can stop worrying now," I said after Remus had left.

"I'll never stop worrying about you Kate. You know that."

"Yeah, I know." I sighed as I sat down on the now vacant bed. Of the four boys who stayed in the dorm, Remus was by far the cleanest.

I knew James and Harold would never let up. They had made it their personal, life-long goal to keep me out of harm's way. James had even roped his friends, Sirius, Remus, and Peter into looking after me as well. At least I knew they cared. I don't think The Man or The Woman who cared for me before cared much about me at all. The scars that spotted my body told me that much about my past.

Ah, the scars. There were many scars. I was never quite sure if someone was looking at **me** or the scars. There were scars on my back, my stomach, my legs, my arms, my right hand, and my face. And for all these scars I had no recollection of how they came to be. Some scars looked like knife cuts, others looked like table corners. Some scars looked like jewelry indentions, and some looked like burns. They were many and varied. And try as I might, I could never hide them all.

"Ugh," Peter grunted miserably. I looked across the way at him to see that he was struggling profusely over his homework.

"What are you working on Pete?" I asked.

He looked at me with his beady eyes. "Astronomy," he said helplessly.

I sighed. "Bring it here Pete."

"Really? You'll help me?"

"Bring it here," I said again and held out my hand. He quickly gathered his charts and rushed over. I took one glance at the assignment and set to work. The things I do for these boys. Five minutes later I handed the assignment back, completed.

"Ah thanks!" Peter said enthusiastically. "James, have I ever told you how amazing your sister is? I could kiss her."

"No funny business, Wormtail. Kate is off limits!" James declared quickly.

"As if Wormtail has a chance with a girl as beautiful as Kate, James," Sirius laughed.

Sirius' remarks about my beauty had little effect on me anymore; I knew he was only being nice. I wasn't pretty; in fact I was nowhere near it. My dull, charcoal brown hair hung in loose waves midway down my arms. My pale pink lips were flat and thin. I was sleek and slender with very little curves. If a guy was interested in me, it was only because I was "off limits;" I was the unattainable girl who was constantly surrounded by the four Marauders. There was nothing attractive or remarkable about me, except maybe my eyes. They were a light sapphire blue that contrasted against my pale skin. But even then you'd have to look beyond all the scars, and not even I could do that.

"Piss off. I can get any girl just as well you can," Peter defended himself without missing a beat.

I continued to sit there on Remus' bed while the guys went back to discussing… whatever it was they were discussing before I came in. I'd tell you what they talked about, but I tuned them out. I found myself doing that a lot lately, more so than usual anyways, ever since I started having those nightmares…

Oh well, it was probably just more 'top-secret, for-Marauders-ears-only' stuff. You know, 'who was the biggest git today and what can we do for pay back,' or 'what prank to pull next and whom to pull it on.' Or perhaps even, where to go on the next full moon. The only reason I was allowed to sit in on these 'top-secret' meetings was because I was James' sister and, as I said earlier, James hardly ever let me out of his sight; only to use the bathroom, sleep, star gaze (which he didn't particularly like but couldn't stop), and every full moon when he and the guys would go out with Remus.

See, Remus is a werewolf and so to help him we all became Animagi. I'd begged and pleaded James to let me go with them but he positively refused; even though it was my idea in the first place, I found all the right books to study, and I was the first one of the group to pull off the transformation successfully. 'It's too dangerous Kate. What if something happened to you, Mum and Dad would have my head on a platter, next to Remus',' James had said. Sirius was James double, they were practically brothers, and so of course he agreed with James. Peter sided with me and we almost had James convinced. But then Remus found out what we were up to and had personally asked me not to come along and being that it was Remus who asked I couldn't bring myself to say no. But even though I wasn't allowed to wander out with them on full moons, I still kept my Animagus form, a cat as dark as the night: the black leopard.

After a few minutes of just sitting there on the bed I became bored. So I summoned a piece of parchment from James' desk, a quill, and a bottle of ink and I began to doodle. Before long I noticed that I was sketching Remus' face.

Ah, Remus. Of the four Marauders he's the clean, sensitive, intellectual, quiet one. He's always got a book in his hands and he always has a few words of wisdom to share. He's also the one with the dark secret. Only the four of us and the professors know of his 'furry friend,' as James and Sirius like to call it.

Sirius, there's another character. As I said, he and James are just alike, so alike that they became instant best friends when they first met, several years ago now. They are both highly popular, skilled Quidditch players, and brilliant; though not as brilliant as Remus or I. All the girls want to be with them, and all the guys want to be them. And they always know how to make me laugh, whether it be at one of their pranks or just at them.

Then there's Peter. My little Pete. There's nothing really particularly attractive or special about him; not that he's unattractive though, I mean girls look at him like they do the other Marauders just to a slightly lesser degree. Many people seem to think that Peter is only a Marauder because he shares a dorm room with James; but I know that's not true. The fact of the matter is, James caught Peter delivering some pretty nasty insults to one particular Slytherin that James didn't like. Peter impressed James, and so James befriended him. The rest is, as they say, history.

My drawing was complete. In my opinion it was a near perfect replica. Notice I said 'near.' In actuality, nothing could even come close to the real thing. I gazed into the gentle eyes as a yawn escaped my lips.

"It's past your bedtime Missy," a matching gentle voice said from beside me.

Damn! Speak of the devil.

"I was just waiting for you," I responded, in what I hoped was a clam manner. "Lily seemed pretty aggravated when I got back. So I was just making sure you returned in one piece."

"Ah." Remus smiled and sat on his bed beside me. "What's that?" he asked, pointing to the parchment that had his face drawn on it.

"Uh— it's yours," I said quickly. "I got bored so I drew it for you." I handed him the sketch.

"For me? Hmm." He studied it for a while. "Who's it supposed to be?"

"You of course," I laughed. "See there's the little indent you have above your left eye, and the scar on your left cheek, and I even added the dimple you get when you smile," I explained as I pointed out each feature.

"I have a dimple?" he asked skeptically.

Oh boy, I was noticing things about him that even he didn't know.

"Er—yeah," I said unsurely. "It's nothing weird or anything. I just have a really good memory…of the things that I can remember at least."

He chuckled softly. "Here," he handed the parchment back.

"Oh no, it's yours. Keep it," I said.

"I want you to sign it Kate. It's a piece of artwork. All the great artists sign their names on their work."

"Right. I knew that." I signed and dated the drawing before handing it back.

"Thanks." He smiled sweetly at me again.

"Hey Moony you're back!" Sirius exclaimed, noticing Remus' return for the first time. I looked over at the guys and noticed James watching us carefully. I swallowed roughly, remembering that I wasn't allowed to fancy any boy.

"I should be going," I said to no one in particular. "It's getting late and I'm getting tired." James nodded and I hurriedly got off the bed.

"Night Kate," Sirius and Peter said.

"Night boys," I said back. "Good night James."

"Good Night Kate," James replied as he continued to carefully eye Remus, who had lowered his head and sunk back on his bed. I turned and walked out of their dorm with my telescope in hand.

Ah, James.


	3. Smothered

Smothered

_O star of strength! I see thee stand  
And smile upon my pain;  
Thou beckonest with thy mailed hand,  
And I am strong again._

-_The Light of Stars_ by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

The next morning I made my way down to the common room, still half asleep, to wait for James like I always did. I was dressed in the required uniform and robes. I hated wearing the uniform skirt; I could never cover that hideous scar on my knee. My feet moved down the stairs unwillingly; my whole body was aching to go back to sleep. Actually it was aching to get any sleep at all. I had those damn nightmares again last night. I yawned lethargically as I rounded the corner at the bottom of the stairs. I paused momentarily; the common room wasn't empty. Remus was already there.

"Morning Remus," I said softly. Remus merely tilted his head in acknowledgment. James must have talked to him last night.

James. That stupid bloody git. Who does he think he is? He doesn't control me! He can't tell me what to do and what not to do, or whom to date or not date! He just can't. It's so unfair. He had no right to tell Remus off last night. We were only talking. It's not like we were snogging or anything. Though, I bet he'd be a good snogger. Oh who am I kidding? Like he, or any bloke for that matter, would want to snog a girl like me. Or like James would ever let them get near enough.

Just then I felt something large and hard slam into my back. I grunted and stumbled forward only to be caught by Remus. I spared no time for him, but turned immediately to glare at my attacker. Sirius Black.

"Whoa… Morning Leo. Sorry about that," Sirius apologized. I glared at him for a minute before turning my glare to James.

James seemed to take a step back as the power of my gaze reigned down upon him. "Looks like somebody didn't get enough sleep last night."

"Piss off," I said bitterly. "I'm going to breakfast now," I added before turning on my heel and stalking off. I knew they wouldn't be too far behind me.

Stupid, bloody James!

~SSW~

I ate breakfast quickly and quietly. When I had arrived there were plenty of seats available, but the Marauders all filled in around me and James made it so that Remus couldn't sit beside me. Stupid git. Remus remained silent throughout the meal as well. As soon as I had finished my eggs and toast, I got up to leave. I stopped mid-track as James called out my name.

"Where are you going?" he asked.

I took a deep breath to regain my composure. I turned slowly around to face him. "Do you see any of my books James?" I asked.

"Er—no."

"Then wouldn't it be logical, James, to assume that I was going back to the dorm to get my books for class?" Maybe it was just my imagination, but I could swear that I saw a smirk cross Remus' face.

"Logical? James? There's two words you never hear in the same sentence," Sirius exclaimed. James slapped the back of his head and Peter laughed.

"Right, well… don't get lost," James said.

I glowered at him again; I was sure, by now, you could see steam rising from my ears. I spun on my heel and dashed out of the great hall. I took all the secret passage ways I could back to the Fat Lady's Portrait and I made it back in record time. I rushed up the stairs to the dorm, and threw myself on my bed. Stupid bloody James! I pulled a pillow over my head and screamed into it.

"Yeah, Potter can have that affect on me too," a sweet silky voice said from the doorway.

I sat up quickly and looked at my intruder. It was Lily.

"I saw you two in the great hall," Lily explained. "You looked pretty upset with him. What did he do this time?"

"How… did…Did a lot of people see?" I asked cautiously. I really didn't need the whole school to know that James and I were fighting again.

"No. I'm exceptionally observant when it comes to James Potter." Lily crossed her arms over her chest as she crossed the room to her bed. "So, what did he do this time?" she asked again.

"It's nothing… He's just being James. It's nothing new. I need to get to class." I grabbed my books and left before Lily could say anything more.

~SSW~

It was Wednesday, so I had Arithmancy first, which meant that I didn't have to see James again until Charms. Maybe that would give me enough time to cool off because I was positive that James wouldn't figure out what was wrong by then. When I walked into the Arithmancy classroom, I was one of the last to arrive. Not many people took Arithmancy and even fewer still made the necessary O.W.L. to continue on to the N.E.W.T level, so it didn't surprise me to discover that I was the only Gryffindor in a sea of blue.

Class wasn't too dull, Professor Vector spent about half an hour lecturing before she handed out number charts for us to work on. I had to admit that it was just a bunch of busy work and mostly review, but it was just what I needed; something to direct my thinking away from that bloody brother of mine. I sat in the back like I did in most classes. People didn't notice you as much if you sat behind them. Unfortunately, that didn't stop some.

"Hey," a pitchy voice from my right said, breaking the silence between us.

I looked up slightly to find a pair of chocolate eyes looking at me. I nodded only once, and looked back down at my work.

"You're Kate right?" the annoying voice said again, and then without waiting for my response continued, "I'm Ben."

"I don't think we're supposed to be talking," I said quietly and sternly, not looking at Ben.

"Because of your brother, right?"

"James has nothing to do with this," I hissed. Merlin when would this class end?

"Look, James Bloody Potter can't scare me off."

"Sure." I rolled my eyes. A few minutes of silence passed. I was thankful. I thought perhaps he had decided to give up; that he rethought his previous statement and realized that he really didn't want to cross James. No such luck.

"I don't really understand what's going on here. Can you help me?" Ben asked, leaning in closer.

I moved my chair away instinctively. The scraping it made across the floor drew Professor Vector's attention. She approached us with a stern look upon her face. I quickly set back to work. Maybe if I completed the chart she would let me go early.

"Is there a problem here?" she asked eyeing me suspiciously. Spend all your time with the Marauders and the professors start to label you a troublemaker by association.

"No Professor," Ben answered innocently. "I just didn't understand the chart and I asked Kate if she could help me."

Professor Vector snatched up Ben's chart and looked it over. "You're doing fine Mister Campbell. So far, everything is correct." She handed the chart back and once again turned her gaze to me. "Miss Potter, don't disturb Mister Campbell anymore."

"Yes Professor," I seethed between clenched jaws.

At last the bell rang. I gathered up my belongings as quickly as possible and left the room in a fouler mood than when I entered. To exacerbate matters even more, I had an escort waiting for me in the corridor. Make that escorts.

"What are you three doing here?" I demanded. Sirius was the only one brave enough to answer me at the moment.

"James asked…"

"The bloody hell with James."

"He asked us to make sure you made it to class alright. He would have come himself you know, but he went chasing after Evans."

"I don't need you to walk me to class. I can find it on my own."

"Hey Kate," that annoying voice from earlier called out. I looked over my shoulder to see that same boy approaching. Suddenly a thought crossed my mind.

"Besides," I turned back to the Marauders. "Dave here is going to escort me to class." I tilted my head to the boy who now stood beside me.

"It's Ben actually," he corrected me. "But if you like Dave better that's cool. I can be Dave."

"Just walk," I said. "Bye boys."

Dave and I, or Ben rather, turned and walked off. I was careful not to look at Remus; I thought I might lose my strength if I did. I almost thought I'd gotten away with it, but before Dave…Ben and I rounded the corner we were accompanied by three other bodies.

"No can do Kate," Sirius said throwing his arm around my shoulder. "We made James a promise, and a Marauder never backs down from his word. Now scram Dave or Ben or whatever the bloody hell your name is. It's a little too early in the term to start jinxing people."

"Since when Padfoot? We started about this time last year," Peter squeaked.

"Ha! Good point Wormtail."Sirius pulled out his wand and aimed it at Ben.

"Don't Sirius!" I said, turning in his arm. "I don't give a damn who walks me to class, but we're going to be late if we don't hurry up." I jerked out of his arm and stormed off.

I don't know if Sirius ended up jinxing Ben or not, and I didn't really care. I was too angry at James to care much about anything at the moment. I did, however, notice that there were only two pairs of footsteps behind me and not the expected three, which meant that somebody had remained behind. I'd hoped it was Remus; I hated acting like this in front of him. James sure knew how to bring out the worst in me. But not anymore! I was sick of his babying me. I'd had enough and I was going to tell James exactly how I felt.

~SSW~

In Charms we started working on performing non-verbal spells which meant that I had an excuse for not talking the whole period. I didn't manage a spell successfully but I wasn't really trying either. I was too focused on what I would say to James later that night. In my head I had already yelled at him a thousand times and called him every foul name I could think of, so much so that towards the end of the lesson I had actually managed to calm down a little.

I remained sullen and kept to myself for the rest of the day. At lunch I still sat with the Marauders but I paid no attention to what was going on. During our first Potions lesson for the year, which just so happened to be a double period, I was paired with Peter. I only spoke to him when I needed him to do something. Of course we brewed the potion successfully; I know Peter was appreciative of that.

At dinner, I was quiet. By now, I was done yelling at James and I was ready to speak rationally with him. Through the course of my brooding I had come to realize that James was really only trying to protect me. He was doing what he thought was best for me. What Harold and Jeanette wanted him to do. I owed them so much. They had saved me. Adopted me. Cared for me as if I were their own flesh and blood. So how do I let them know how thankful I am for their generosity but still convey my desperate need for freedom?

I was sitting on a couch in the common with my DADA book open on my lap, but I wasn't studying. I was staring into the dying embers in the fireplace. The Marauders sat together in a corner. Remus was reading a book, and James was watching Sirius and Peter play a game of Exploding Snap. The other girls in my dorm sat in another corner of the common room, talking and laughing. If I was going to talk to James, it was now or never.

I slammed my book shut and walked over to where James sat teasing Sirius, who was losing miserably. The corner fell silent as I approached and Remus lowered his book. Four pairs of eyes were locked on me; make that five pair. I could feel Lily's emerald gaze on the back of my head. I took a deep breath.

"James, can we talk?" I asked timidly.

"Sure." James stood, and with him Sirius.

"Alone please," I added looking at Sirius. James looked over his shoulder and nodded once. Sirius sat back down.

"After you." James pointed with his hand to the dormitory stairs. We walked in silence, and upon entering the dorm room I went straight to James' bed. James followed at a slower pace his hands shoved in his pockets, and leaned against one of the bed posts.

"What's wrong Kate?" he asked. I stayed quiet; I was still trying to get the words right in my head.

"Kate, you wanted to talk so talk. And stop biting your nails."

I quickly removed my hand from my mouth. I didn't even realize that I was biting my nails; it was my nervous habit. I looked up at James with pleading eyes. He habitually roughed up his hair; an act which he did so frequently that I don't even think he knew when he was doing it anymore.

"I really appreciate everything you've done for me, James," I began. "I could never repay you for any of it."

"You don't have to Kate," James interrupted as he took a seat beside me.

"You and Harold and Jeanette have done so much. You took me in when I had no one and nothing. You've loved me unconditionally. You've treated me like I was part of the family."

"Because you are family Kate! You are a Potter."

"And I'm thankful for that, but sometimes I… I feel smothered by it all."

"Smothered?"

"Yes; like I can't breathe. There's that saying 'We all learn from our mistakes.' But how am I supposed to learn if I'm not allowed to make mistakes? How will I ever decide what's right for me if you make all the decisions for me? I know you're only trying to protect me but I need room to grow. I'll be seventeen in three months and I've never been kissed; I've never even held hands with a bloke before. Who else do you know that will be seventeen and never been kissed?"

"That's easy. Sniv…ell...oh." His eyes grew wide and his lips formed the shape of an 'o' as realization dawned on him. "But you're way better than Snivellus! How can you even compare yourself to that greasy-haired git?"

"I didn't say anything, you did. And who knows, he might have one up on me."

"Rubbish!" James exclaimed. "Who'd want to snog him?"

"I don't know. Little Black seems pretty fond of him."

James grinned. "Sirius would like that one."

"But seriously James," he chuckled and I glared.

"Sorry," he mumbled. "So you want to snog boys?"

"It's a little more complicated than that. But what I really want James, what I need, is the freedom to know that _if_ I wanted to I could, without the fear of wondering when the Marauders were going to scare him away."

"Why are you asking something so hard of me?" he said as he began to pace.

"It shouldn't be that hard James."

"But it is." He turned to me suddenly, concern etched across his face. "If something were to happen to you and you got hurt and it was my fault… Dad would be furious with me."

"Then let him be upset, but at me. Harold's always yelling at you, he could do for a change."

"Dad wouldn't yell at you to save his life Kate."

"James please," I urged, taking his hands in mine. "I can't live like this anymore. I need to be me." The problem is, how do I be me if I don't know who me is?

There was a moment of silence. James stared at the floor and ruffled his hair as he considered my request. I watched him anxiously. I knew I could say more and push him over the edge, but I had said all I could think of. I had nothing left to say. Finally he spoke.

"So you want freedom? You want me to stop, what did you say, smothering you?"

"Yes," I replied simply.

James sucked in his breath. "Alright. I'll try."

"Really?"

"But…" he interjected before I could get too excited. "Any bloke whom you decide you may want to...snog," he shuddered, "...can't be one of my friends. They are off limit. It would be too weird and I don't think I could live with it."

Damn! That included Remus, the reason why I was having this conversation in the first place.

"Fine then I have something else I want to add. You can't send one of your friends to meet me outside Arithmancy to walk me to class. I've been in this school for six years and have roamed the halls with you several times. I know my around."

"Sure." James tried to hide an evil grin that I didn't trust

"And you can't threaten someone else to do it either." I smiled as his face fell.

"Fine. Is there any more fun you'd like to suck out?"

"Well now that you mention it, can you please stop asking where I'm going every time I'm about to walk away from you? It's really annoying and I shouldn't have to inform you of every step I take." "Okay… anything else?"

"And could you…"

"Merlin what else is there?" he exclaimed exhaustedly. I laughed softly at his desperation and he shoved my arm lightly.

"Am I really that bad of a brother?" he asked apprehensively.

"No James, you're a great brother. The best I've ever had at least." I smiled teasingly.

Just then the door burst open and in flew Sirius Black in a rage. "That's it James!" he yelled. "I won't do it any longer! You are no longer my best mate! We're through!"

"What?" James was clearly miffed. He looked to Remus and Peter, who stood behind Sirius with coy smiles, for clarification.

"You heard me, Potter!" Sirius shouted with distaste. Then he turned to me, smiling and said, "Now, about that snog you're looking for."

"Aw, bloody hell Padfoot!"

A second latter and James had tackled Sirius to the floor where they proceeded to roll about wrestling. Remus and Peter laughed at their foolish antics. No doubt, they had all stood at the door listening to every word that was exchanged between James and me. I watched Remus anxiously, looking for any sign that might indicate that he knew the real reason why I spoke to James.

He had beautiful smile, Remus did. They way his hazel eyes lit up sent numerous chills down my spine. I noticed that one side of his mouth would lift a little higher than the other. And then there was that single dimple he had; it was just a solitary dimple, but it was so charming. He was sheer perfection. Not only was he attractive, but he was also very brilliant and uncommonly kind.

Remus looked over and caught my eye. I felt like I was melting before him. How could I ever be worthy of the prince that was Remus John Lupin? I smiled reluctantly.

"Come on Pete," I said gently as I walked towards the door.

"Pete? What? You can't be serious?" Sirius called out. I was baffled.

"No there's no way," James responded. "She knows the rules. I clearly said…"

"What?" I asked still confused. I stared at them on the floor and James looked from me to Peter to Sirius and back to me. At last I caught on. I rolled my eyes annoyed.

"We have Astronomy," I explained.

"Oh, right… Well, have fun, don't get lost, and don't fall over the wall," James said relieved.

"I can't believe you thought she was going to snog Peter before me," Sirius laughed.

"She will not be snogging you…" James roared, and their wrestling match picked back up.

I didn't even bother to mutter a response as I left. Boys could be so dumb.


	4. Freedom

Freedom

_I was at peace, and drank your beams  
As they were life to me;  
And revelled in my changeful dreams,  
Like petrel on the sea._

…

_Why did the morning dawn to break  
So great, so pure a spell;  
And scorch with fire the tranquil cheek,  
Where your cool radiance fell? _

_-Stars _by Emily Bronte_  
_

Nothing really changed between the Marauders and me since my talk with James last week, except that, there was no one waiting for me outside Arithmancy to walk me to my next class. There was no one inside Arithmancy who wanted to walk with me either; the damage had already been done with Ben. And James, though I could tell it was killing him on the inside, had stopped asking me where I was going every time I walked away. I often felt so bad for him, that I offered up my destination anyways. Oh well. At least Remus was talking to me again, and that alone was well worth it.

I was finding it harder and harder to sleep at night; the nightmares were getting worse. I had resorted to spending all my extra time doing homework or reading to get ahead in class. My philosophy was that if I tired myself out enough then my mind would be too tired to have any nightmares. It hadn't worked so far, but I wasn't giving up. And no one seemed to notice, or mind, the circles that were forming under my eyes.

I was sitting alone in my dorm room, tucked behind my bed curtains reading through my Potions book when Lily and the other girls in our dorm came in. A pair of feet marching across the dorm, back and forth, back and forth, told me that Lily was pacing, and I knew that Lily only paced when she was mad.

I suspected she had seen James with his new girl friend, Elizabeth Cromwell. Lizzy was a fifth year Hufflepuff and an avid member of the 'I love James Potter and Sirius Black fan club.' They had only just started seeing each other today. James did this sort of thing all the time. He'd date a girl for awhile, about a month usually, and then when he finally grew bored they'd "agree" to see other people and James would go back to pestering Lily for a date. What I didn't understand, is why Lily would always get so upset with James for it. I mean, the girls he dated all knew what they were getting into. They knew it wouldn't last long, and nine times out of ten they went on to live perfectly normal lives dating other guys. So, what was Lily's problem?

Lily continued to pace and I continued to hide behind my curtains.

"Come on Lil, you knew this was going to happen." That was Amelia speaking; she was one of Lily's closest friends.

"Yea Lils, James does this all the time. It's nothing new," Emma added.

"That doesn't make it right!" Lily fired back.

"Look Lily, the girls all know what he's doing when he asks them out. And he's really very nice when it comes to ending things." That was Emma again; she had been "one of the girls" about three years ago.

Lily huffed and continued her pacing. The other girls remained quiet. I could go back to reading in peace.

_Add the powdered root of asphodel and heat gently over a low flame._

_ Stir counterclockwise six times. _

_Carefully sprinkle de-ionized water over the simmering powder._

_ In a separate flask, prepare the wormwood._

"That bloody Potter!" Lily shouted.

My heart stopped.

"I can't believe him!"

I gently let out the breath that I was holding while Lily continued to rant. I guess I couldn't go back to reading in peace.

"That filthy bloody git!" Lily shouted again. "How can girls like him? He's so…so… so arrogant!"

"And really cute," Emma defended.

"And funny," Amelia added.

"Not to mention, very sweet."

"Potter is not sweet," Lily argued. "He's far from it. The git only thinks of himself. He doesn't really care for anyone or anything."

"That's not true!" I said.

The room became unmistakably quiet. Lily stopped her pacing suddenly. The girls' breath caught in their throats. All time seemed to freeze. Even the wind and the rain outside ceased their attack on the window. The girls had no idea that I was there. I faltered in my conviction. I had already given my position away; there was no hiding now. I pulled the bed curtains back and stared out at the gaping girls.

"That's not true," I said again, my voice wavering.

Lily glowered at me with her arms folded over her chest, red hair shimmering like fire, lips pursed into a firm line that would have given Professor McGonagall a challenge. I laid my book down and stood to my feet. My knees wobbled as I slowly approached her. I tried to match her intensity. Fortunately we were the same height, so that made the attempt a little easier.

"What did you say?" Lily asked severely.

"You're wrong. James does care about people," I said.

"Really? Name one person James cares about more than himself?"

"I can give you seven. James cares about Peter, Remus, Sirius …" I ticked each person off on my fingers, "…Harold, Jeanette, me... and you."

Lily huffed.

"You see, James cares about his family," I continued.

"I am not his family," Lily retorted.

"In his dreams you are and that's reason enough for him. Family is the most important thing to James. He'd do anything for them. He'd die for them. The relation doesn't even have to be blood, I mean look at me. I have no family really; just James and his parents and he'd do anything to protect me.

"So I'll say it again Lily; you're wrong. James does care about people other than himself, more than you know." I stared resolutely at Lily; she stared resolutely back. Her arms remained folded across her chest while mine were steady by my side. We stared, unblinking, at one another; our fury was matched glare for glare. At last Lily huffed and rolled her eyes.

"Whatever," she said as she marched to the bathroom and slammed the door closed behind her.

I stared after her. What did James see in her anyways? I pushed my way past Amelia and Emma, and walked down the stairs to the common room where I joined Remus on one of the couches.

~SSW~

_ "Help me, please somebody!" a fragile voice called out into the smoky night._

_ I looked around me. Once again I was alone, standing on a hillside surrounded by a forest. In front of me sat the burning house and, in it, the trapped girl. She was leaning out the second floor window. Her dark grey hair fell about her face covered in ash. She locked my eyes in her pleading gaze; her blue eyes were pale and tired. Her lips trembled as she spoke._

_ "Please Kate, help me."_

_ I pulled out my wand and muttered, "Aguamenti." Nothing happened. I tried again, still nothing. I tried another spell and there was no reaction. Maybe if I could just get inside then I could lead her out to safety in my Animagus form. I tried transforming. Nothing happened. My magic was failing me. _

_ The young girl was still crying out for help. I knew I had to do something. I tried approaching the burning house. The immense heat emanating from the fire was too intense. I couldn't breathe. The smoke swam around me, engulfing me completely. My vision was clouded. My lungs were restricted. The young girl continued to cry for help, but I was helpless to help her. _

_ "Help me, please somebody!" I called out into the smoky night, but there was no one there to help._

I sprang up in bed, haunted by another nightmare.

~SSW~

I sat alone at a table in the back corner of the library, near the restricted section. It had now been a whole month, to the day, since I sorted things out with James. I had already managed to read, entirely, through all my school books, so I had resorted to reading really long and boring books from the library. I was still trying to tire my mind enough to sleep.

My head, resting in the palm of my hand, began to bob as my eyes fluttered closed. I was suddenly standing once again on the hillside. The one place I didn't want to be, but the one place I couldn't avoid in my sleep. I could hear the young girl call my name; I tried to pull myself away. What was the point of even trying to save her when I knew I couldn't?

"Kate…" the girl called out. "Kate…"

This time I felt a pull on my arm. That was new. The pull came harder this time and I was suddenly jerked awake. I took in my surroundings, and saw that Remus was standing in front of me, his hand on my arm which was stretched out over the table. I sat up as he took the seat across from me.

"I believe your bed in the dorm is a little softer than that book," Remus said with a smile.

"Yeah, probably. I think a bag of nails would be softer than the book was." I smiled back. There was a moment's pause as Remus studied me from across the table.

"Are you feeling alright Kate? You look exhausted."

Oh damn! "Yea, I'm fine," I lied. "They're just really loading us down with a lot of homework."

"Right. I understand." He nodded knowingly.

"What about you?" I asked. "How are you doing?"

"I've been better," he said with a sigh.

And in truth, he had. Remus looked pale and sickly; his eyes were slightly bloodshot, and he was looking a little hairier than usual. It was then that I recalled that the full moon was just a few days away. This was perfect! What better way to tire my mind than through physical excursion? James couldn't say no because of the promise he had made. So all I had to do was convince Remus…I reached across the table and laid my hand over his, soothingly.

"So," I began as casually as possible. "James has been doing a lot better at the 'no smothering' thing than I thought he'd be doing."

"He is isn't he?" Remus agreed.

"Yea, I thought it would take a lot longer for him to actually get the hang of it."

An awkward silence passed.

"How do you like your new freedom?" Remus asked.

"Eh-" I shrugged. "Nothing's really changed that much."

"Except that I don't see you as often," he said solemnly.

I ducked my head shyly. "Like I said, I have a lot of homework."

"We have the same homework Kate."

"Except Astronomy and Arithmancy," I added and Remus nodded.

Another awkward silence passed between us. Why was it suddenly so hard to talk to him?

"So," I said again. "I've been thinking, since James has this new outlook now, that maybe I could go with you this time."

"Go with me where?" he asked puzzled.

"You know… in two days, when you…visit your mum." His face grew whiter as he realized what I was asking. "I think you'd find that I would be of use. I'm really fast; faster than James or Sirius, and I'm only slightly smaller than Sirius is. I have excellent vision, and I can climb. They can't climb."

"Climb?"

"Yes, the trees. I'm very agile. I could provide the bird's-eye-view."

"I don't think that's such a good idea, Kate. James wouldn't like it," Remus said shaking his head.

"James doesn't control me anymore. He can't say no. He promised to back off," I countered.

"Back off yes, but let you walk head first into danger?"

"I won't be going into danger. You're not…"

"Yes, Kate, I am!" Remus said sharply, cutting me of. He continued on a softer note. "If something were to go wrong, if something happened to you Kate, I…" His sentence trailed off.

"Remus, please…" I nearly begged.

"The answer is 'No' Kate," he said with a since of finality. "It's for your own good."

I was suddenly furious. I slammed the book I was reading shut, and rose fiercely to my feet.

"I don't need James' or your protection! I can look after myself!" I yelled. I left the book on the table and stormed out of the library.

_'It's for your own good.' _I can't believe he said that! That he had the nerve to even think about saying it. My own good? Who was he to determine what was for my own good? I brushed past the various students that were in the corridors, not paying attention to any of the faces or the robes they wore. Golden sunlight streamed in through the windows that I passed. The sun was beginning to set. It was the perfect time for a good run.

I walked out into the front lawn while the other students were just beginning to make their way inside for dinner. I wasn't hungry. I was in no mood to be around anybody at the moment. I needed the time to myself to think things over. I stalked determinedly towards the edge of the Forbidden Forest.

"Kate please," Remus called out.

Great! The one time I didn't want him chasing after me.

"Piss off Lupin!" I yelled over my shoulder. I was really mad.

"Kate!" He caught me by the arm, halting me in my tracks. "Kate please, calm down."

"Don't tell me what to do!"

"I'm not, I'm asking. Please Kate, come back inside. Come have dinner with me."

I stared unfaltering over his shoulder at the dark forest, refusing to meet his eye.

"Come on Kate, please." His voice was soft and tender. My eyes stung with anger. Remus followed my eyes to the forest. "You don't want to go in there Kate. It's not safe."

That was the last straw! I ripped my arm free of his grasp and looked him firmly in the eye.

"Try and stop me," I challenged. Before Remus could protest further, I transformed and sprinted into forest. I could hear him swearing in the spot where I left him.

~SSW~

It felt like I had been running for hours, never actually going too far into the forest, before I returned to the edge of the trees where I had entered. The sun had disappeared from the sky and the moon and stars had taken over. I studied the castle, and could see very few lights on. I guessed that it was either very near curfew or it had already past. I knew I had to get back inside before the front doors were locked, or I would have to sleep outside.

I prowled to the entrance and placed a front paw on the great oak door. I pushed ever so lightly and felt a great rush of relief as the door gave way. I squeezed through the smallest hole possible, and pushed the door closed behind me. I wasn't ready to go to the dorm yet, so I made my way to the Astronomy Tower. I was careful to stick to the shadows. Most portraits and students weren't accustomed to seeing a black leopard in the corridors at night. I took the stairs up the tower two at a time. When I finally reached the top landing, I changed back into my human self and stepped out onto the balcony. It was empty, just like it always was on a Friday night.

My hair flew in the wind as I walked further out on the terrace. The sky was cloudy, but no less beautiful. I leaned against the outside wall and closed my eyes; breathing deep, I let the serenity wash over me. The run had done its job of relieving the stress, but now it was time for the clam after the storm. I don't know how long I stood there like that, but I knew I could have stayed forever if only my arms hadn't of fallen asleep.

I reached deep into one of the pockets on my school robes and pulled out a tiny, rectangular box. From another pocket I pulled out my wand, a ten inch beech with the hair from a unicorn tail at its core. I tapped the tip of my wand to the box and murmured the incantation and the box grew to its normal size. From it I pulled my telescope and set it up. I searched the sky for a spot free of clouds. When I found one I directed my telescope to it and began to study.

Again, I don't know how long I spent glancing through the telescope. I never paid attention to the time when I was star gazing. When the star I was studying was covered by a cloud I moved on to another one. I was only able to examine a handful of stars before the night grew completely dark; the clouds had managed to take the stars hostage. I guess this meant it was time to pack it up.

I sighed heavily once my telescope was back in its box. I was looking out over the grounds when I saw a shadow fly by. I studied the area where I had seen the shadow, but I saw nothing. It must have been a bird, or some kind of animal.

I picked up my telescope box; surely it was late enough to not get caught. I took one last look around, and was disappointed to find that there were no clearings, and there didn't appear as if there would be any anytime soon. I turned away from the wall and headed back for the door which would lead me back down a long, winding stair case. I was reaching out for the door knob, when it turned on its own and swung forth. Terror seized my heart.


	5. Astronomy Tower

Astronomy Tower

_Blood-red, he rose, and arrow-straight,  
His fierce beams struck my brow;  
The soul of nature sprang, elate,  
But mine sank sad and low._

_My lids closed down, yet through their veil  
I saw him, blazing, still,  
And steep in gold the misty dale,  
And flash upon the hill._

_-Stars_ by Emily Bronte_  
_

The door, which concealed the staircase that led back down to the main part of the castle, swung forth on its own accord and my heart ceased its steady beating. I stared perplexed into dark nothingness, wondering what would have caused the door to open. A cold, chilling air rushed over me and the nothingness began to slither towards me. The stench of evil, like rotting eggs, filled my nostrils. I stumbled backwards, blood beginning to rush through my veins.

Further and further back I moved, ever hesitant, while the nothingness continued to creep its way over to me. I was startled to find that I had run into the outer wall sooner than I had expected. But when a pair of ice-cold fingers wrapped their way around my arms, I realized it wasn't the wall I hit. I quickly looked around me and saw that I was surrounded by more nothingness. My blood rushed harder through my veins.

As I scanned the circle around me again, the nothingness began to take shape. Seven dark figures stood around me. Seven figures cloaked, hooded, and masked in black stood around me. My breathing became uneven, and my blood rushed harder still.

"Well, well, well look who we have here," the figure directly behind me sneered.

"A brave little Gryffindor," said another figure.

"She doesn't look very brave," another mocked.

I didn't feel very brave.

The figure directly in front of me, the one who came through the door, remained silent; it was studying me, searching me. The icicle fingers holding me began to stroke my arm. I spun around, whipping out my wand in the process, and pointed it directly at the spot where the figure's face would be, but before I could even think of an appropriate defensive curse I was disarmed. I glanced around to find that there were six wands directed at me; my own wand lay outside the circle.

"A fighter," the figure before me said.

"I like the fighters. They're more fun," another figure said, laughing sinisterly.

I was outnumbered, out powered, and completely petrified. Where was James when you needed him most? Oh right, he was backing off and letting me take care of myself. I suddenly couldn't remember why I had insisted that I could take care of myself. This very moment proved otherwise. I was defenseless and weaponless. Wait, I wasn't weaponless not totally at least. I still had my telescope.

The seven figures started moving in on me, closing off the circle. Their taunting laughs swam around me, mocking me. I gripped the telescope box firmly in both hands. One figure leaped forward; I sidestepped him and swung the box furiously, catching him in the back. The other figures didn't approve. They too tried lunging for me. I fought back with my telescope. I succeeded in knocking a few of them with the box, until they managed to pry it from my hands. Now I was truly weaponless.

I was once again facing the door and I noticed that there was a clearing. I made a dash for the door. Grabbing the handle, I pushed and pulled, twisted and turned but nothing happened. The door was locked. I was trapped.

I turned slowly around and pressed my back against the door. I was sure my eyes were bulging and my face drained of blood. My legs were shaking so ferociously I probably wouldn't be able to stand much longer. My heart was beating its way out of my chest. I opened my mouth to speak, but it had gone dry with fright and no sound would escape.

"Don't leave love. The fun is just beginning," one of the figures mocked.

The figures began moving in on me again. They moved together like a pack of wild animals. I turned around sharply and began pounding on the locked door, knowing full well that it would be useless unless there was someone on the other side.

"Hel…help!" I choked out in panic. "Help!" I said a little louder.

"Now, now don't scream."

I pounded my fist against the door harder and called out for help louder.

"Stop her!" one of the figures demanded.

A pair of arms wrapped tightly around me and lifted me off my feet. I screamed out and fought back with swinging arms and legs. I felt a couple of spells wash over me and my wrists and ankles were bound together. I opened my mouth to scream again but no sound would come. Cold tears ran down my cheeks.

The figure holding me carried me to the center of the balcony and dropped me on the cold, hard brick. I could now feel another wet sensation trickle its way down my face, and the taste of iron was in my mouth. The figures made another circle around me. The seven figures called out insults and laughed. I tried crawling away, but a figure grabbed my ankles and pulled me back to the center.

The figure rolled me over, so that I was lying on my back, and straddled me. With a simple spell the figure pinned my bound wrists over my head. I fought back with all I could, but the more I fought the more it edged the figure on and the more the circled laughed. I could feel the figure's cold hands roaming over my body and under my shirt. My body fell limp and I squeezed my eyes closed, hoping it would be over soon. When the hands reached for the buckle of my skirt I began to fight back again.

_"Stop!"_ I called out, knowing it was a futile attempt. The cold hands continued to fumble over the clasp. I tried screaming out again, I don't know why. A third time I screamed for the figure to stop, but this time the result was different. A loud explosion issued forth. My hands and ankles were freed from their restraints, and my attackers lay sprawled on the brick some ten feet away. Glancing over my shoulder I saw that the door had blown open. Without another moment's hesitation, I sprinted towards safety and raced down the stairs

Round and round I went down the spiral staircase. I lost my footing several times causing my butt to fall hard against the stairs; I couldn't allow it to slow me down though. I had to keep moving. Towards the bottom, I forgot about the vanishing stair and my foot lodged itself in the hole and came to a sudden stop. My momentum carried me forward and my foot slid out of its shoe and I rolled down the last ten stairs. I scrambled to my feet again, ignoring the stinging pain, and raced to the common room.

The stars remained imprisoned behind the clouds; no light streamed through the windows to light my way through the winding corridors. I don't know how I managed to find the portrait of the fat lady or how I managed to get the password out when I found her, but I ran through the smallest hole possible and headed straight for the boy's dorms. I didn't pause outside; I didn't wait to see if the guys were decent, instead I burst through the door and searched the room for James. He was sitting on Sirius' bed, eating Every Flavor Beans. I staggered forth and collapsed at his feet, horrific sobs escaping my cracked lips.

All sound was muffled; only a light humming was in my ear. My vision was blurred through the tears and the world around me was shaking. Or maybe I was just shaking; I couldn't really tell. A pair of hands grasped my face but I didn't have the strength to fight them off. A pair of hazel eyes starred through their glasses into mine. Lips were moving, but I heard no sound and I could decipher no words. I continued to sob uncontrollably.

I don't know how long I sat there crying before sound started to come back and I could hear James' voice over the constant humming.

"Kate? Kate what happened? Kate talk to me. Kate what's wrong?" His voice crooned.

I tried to tell him the whole story. I tried to tell him of how I was attacked on the astronomy tower by seven beasts, of how I barely managed to escape. But the words came out jumbled and broken. The only thing I managed to say clear enough for James to understand was attack.

"Attacked? Who was attacked?"

"Mahmah…mmm…mah…..mmm…" My lips were still trembling viciously.

"James, I—I think she's trying to say 'me'." a voice, soft and sultry, I recognized as Remus' said.

"You, but that's ridiculous. You've been here the whole time," James protested.

"I think he means her James," Sirius said. "I think she was attacked."

"Kate?" James turned back to me suddenly. "Were you…?" He couldn't finish his question, but he didn't have to. I was already nodding frantically.

James rose up. His hands were clenched into fists. His eyes turned dark and his jaw was tight. "I'll kill him," he said softly and sternly. "I swear by Merlin I'll kill him!"

"James! She needs to see McGonagall," Remus said.

A moment later, James scooped me into his arms and left the dorm. I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face into the crevice where the shoulder meets the neck, and continued to cry.

~SSW~

I don't know how long it was before we stopped outside Professor McGonagall's office but when James and I got there, there was already an insistent banging on the door.

"Proooofesssoooorrr! Professor open up!" That was defiantly Sirius' handiwork.

"What in Merlin's name is going on?" a very angry sounding Professor McGonagall said. "Mister Black, I should have… Goodness Potter. What is this all about?"

"Please Professor," James began. "It's Kate. Something's happened."

"Oh dear, come in." Professor McGonagall's tone changed to one of concern for her students.

James carried me through the door to Professor McGonagall's office and gently set me down in the plush arm chair.

"Now, what is all this about? What has happened?" Professor McGonagall asked over my continuous crying.

"I don't know Professor," James answered. "She hasn't really been able to speak. But obviously something has happened. She said something about an attack, and look at her."

There was a moment of silence as, I presume, they all looked at me. I was still having a hard time breathing as I was gasping for breath between my sobs.

There was a rattling, as if something were being shoved around and moved aside. A moment later, Professor McGonagall was standing before me holding out a goblet of clear liquid. I looked up at her, through my tears.

"Drink this. You'll feel better."

I took the goblet from her with shaking hands, and lifted it to my lips. It smelled of lavender; my favorite scent. There was an instant warming sensation as the liquid flowed down my throat. Within seconds the shaking slowed, the tears stopped, and breathing became easier.

"Now, Kate, can you tell me what happened?" McGonagall asked calmly.

"There….there was an…an attack on the…the astronomy tower." There were gaps in my sentence as my voice continued to shake.

"An attack on whom my dear?"

"Me. They attacked me."

"Who attacked you? Did you see them?"

I shook my head. "No… they, they wore masks and cloaks and hoods. All I saw was black. They wore all black. I couldn't see anything."

"You say _they_ wore masks. There was more than one attacker?"  
"Yes."

"Do you remember how many there were?"

I searched my memory trying to recall how many figures I had seen. I came up blank. "No Professor, I don't know. They kept moving around. And they kept laughing. I tried to get away but I couldn't move and I couldn't scream. It's like my hands were tied together. I couldn't fight them off."

"It sounds like they used the silencio charm and probably a binding charm as well." McGonagall paused to rub her temple for a moment. She looked me over through her narrow glasses, taking in my tattered clothing and my tear streaked face and the trail of dried blood that ran from my forehead to my jaw line and down my neck. I bowed my head in shame and disgrace.

"Now Kate, I'm going to ask you just one more question and I need an honest answer. I know this may be difficult to answer, but you really must answer me truthfully." Sincerity was etched across her face almost to the point of severity. I looked up with wide eyes and braced myself for the worst; I knew what she was going to ask and I was very aware of James standing behind me.

"Did, did they rape you?" She nearly stuttered as her eyes pinched close and she hoped for the best. I could feel James tense and I knew every eye was trained on me.

"No," I whispered softly. James sighed in relief. "But, I…I think they intended to."

McGonagall bowed her head and let out a heavy breath. "Alright, let's get you to the Headmaster," she said, rising from her chair and grabbing her robes. But before the Professor could reach her office door, James had already scooped me into his arms and Sirius had opened the door for us.

Professor McGonagall eyed Sirius suspiciously before walking past him into the corridor. James followed suit; Remus and Peter were behind him and Sirius brought up the rear. My eyes looked over James' shoulder and settled on Remus as he followed behind, his head hanging low. The expression on his face was undeniable: guilt. Clearly he hadn't told James of our little fight just before I took my run. He chanced a glance up at me and our eyes locked momentarily. An immense hurt cascaded down on me and I looked away quickly.

The way to the Headmaster's study was only vaguely familiar to me because I had only been there once before. It was during first year, shortly after I had arrived at Hogwarts. The Headmaster had called me in to properly introduce himself as the headmaster and, I suspect, to see how I was adjusting to my new life as a Potter. Our meeting was only brief, but he wished me well studies and told me that his door would always be open to me should I find that I ever needed to talk or if I simply craved a liquorish snap. Though I had never taken him up on his offer, he continued to smile warmly at me whenever he saw me in the corridors or in the great hall.

I was startled by our sudden stop as we stood just inside the Headmaster's study. A little ways away Professor McGonagall was whispering urgently to the Headmaster. Slowly, the portraits of the former Headmasters and Headmistresses began to stir and focus on the intense conversation between Headmaster and Professor. Then, suddenly, as Professor McGonagall finished all eyes turned and focused on me. The force of their gaze pushed against my lungs making it difficult to breathe. James whispered calmingly in my ear, but my mind was whirling so quickly that I couldn't make out what he said.

The Headmaster ushered us forward and took a seat behind his desk as Professor McGonagall quietly let herself out. The portraits watched me intently as James carried me forward and sat me in the chair directly across from the Headmaster. James took a seat beside me and grabbed my hand, the others stood behind us. The Headmaster clasped his hands together and laid them on his desk before peering at me over the rim of his half moon spectacles.

"Now Miss Potter," the Headmaster began softly. "Professor McGonagall has informed me of your situation, but would you mind telling me yourself?"

I looked to James for support and he squeezed my hand gently and nodded.

"Go on Kate, tell Professor Dumbledore what happened."

I looked back to the Headmaster and took a deep breath before relating to him the events that occurred on the astronomy tower earlier that night.


	6. The Headmaster's Study

The Headmaster's Study

_... she is here  
In a place of blackness,  
Not your golden days  
Nor your silver nights  
Can call me to you.  
Since she is here  
In a place of blackness…_

-_Places Among the Stars _by Stephen Crane

As I finished telling my story, there was a hushed murmur from the portraits and the Headmaster began to pace and wring his hands. The door slowly creaked open and I glanced over my shoulder to see that Professor McGonagall had returned with the other Heads of Houses. The Headmaster rushed to them and quickly filled them in on what had happened. Once again every eye in the room seemed to fall on me and the weight of their glare pushed against my lungs. I quickly turned back around in my seat to avoid their gaze. Tears welled up inside me, but some magic held them at bay.

"Miss Potter," the Headmaster came back around his desk and caught my eye. "Are you sure your attackers came through the tower door?"

I nodded my head gently, recalling the events in my head. "No, wait. Only one of them came through the door. The others…I—I don't know how they got there. It's like they just appeared out of thin air, but that's impossible because you can't apparate within the grounds. But then how? Unless they used brooms, but I don't remember seeing any." I looked up at the Headmaster from my rambling. "I can't explain it exactly sir. All I know, is that one minute I'm completely alone and the next I'm surrounded." I looked down again before whispering. "Seven." My head shot back up. "There were seven of them."

The Headmaster nodded solemnly and walked back to the Professors. "Minerva, Filius search the tower for any clues or signs of tampering. Pomona, Horace search the grounds and find Filch and ask him to search the rest of the castle."

There were quiet agreements and some scuttling about as the door opened and closed again. The Headmaster made his way back over to his desk and sat behind it.

"How do you feel Kate?" the Headmaster asked, using my name casually.

"Oddly sir, I feel fine. My breathing is a little strained, but that's all," I answered.

The Headmaster smiled. "Then I see that Professor McGonagall's Calming Draught is still working. However, it looks like your brother could use some now."

I glanced at James. His jaw was set tight, his legs were bouncing up and down, and his other hand was balled into a tight fist, his knuckles turning white.

"Now Kate, I'm quite curious," the Headmaster continued. "Why were you on the Astronomy Tower alone, so late at night to begin with?"

I paled. I was rather hoping no one would ask that question.

"No doubt doing what she does every night," Sirius answered from behind me.

"And what exactly is that?" the Headmaster asked.

"Sir, I—I star gaze. It's what I've always done, even when I was little...before the Potters."

"When you were little?" James suddenly asked. "Kate? You remember?" He sounded excited.

I shook my head dejectedly. "No, I don't remember. I, I just know." A new hurt washed over me as I watched his face fall. "Granted, I'm not usually on the tower that late. I mean, I always make it back to the dorms before curfew."

"And why were you late tonight?" the Headmaster asked.

Damn it! I had said too much. I looked down avoiding his gaze. I could sense Remus shifting uncomfortably behind me. I could only imagine the blame he was placing on himself. I desperately wanted to reach out to him, to wrap him in my arms and comfort him. To tell him that it wasn't his fault at all. That it was all my fault. I thought I could take care of myself. I thought I could handle things on my own, but I couldn't.

"Kate." The Headmaster pulled me from my thoughts. "Why were you out so much later tonight?"

I sighed. "Because I went for a run." James' head shot up to look at me.

"A run?"

Shit! I did it again. The Headmaster didn't know about our Animagus forms. I had to think of an explanation quickly. "Yea, a run. Just around the castle grounds, you know, through the gardens, down by the lake, in and out of the green houses. It was nothing really. Just a run, to you know, clear my head."

I knew the Headmaster was watching me carefully; I could feel it. I avoided his gaze by picking at the skin around my thumbs, another bad habit. James obviously noticed and he shoved my knee lightly with his own. I stopped immediately but I still wanted to avoid the Headmaster's gaze, so I let my eyes wander aimlessly around the room. It wasn't long before they landed on an old pointed hat that sat on a shelf above the Headmaster's desk. Most people would think it was just an old, tattered hat, but anybody who attended Hogwarts knew it was the Sorting Hat. I remembered the first time I ever saw that hat; I was eleven and I was scared.

~SSW~

_I was standing in line behind James, my new brother of nearly two years now (it would be two years in December and it was, at the time, September). We were in a room called the great hall at our new school. The older students sat at their house tables and the professors where sitting behind a long table on a raised platform up front, with the exception of one professor who was standing beside a stool, an old hat perched on top of it, and a long roll of parchment in her hand. One by one she called out the names of the first years and one by one they marched up, sat on the stool, she placed the hat on their head, the hat would call out the name of their house, and they'd march off to the appropriate table._

_I held James' hand desperately, as if letting go would mean losing him, I squeezed even tighter as the professor called out the first of the "P's." James turned his body so that he could speak to me without having to take his eyes off the action before him._

"_Don't worry, Kate. Everything will be fine. We'll both get into Gryffindor, you'll see. Just like dad."_

"_B-bu-but how do you know, James? What if I don't get in? What if something is wrong with me?" I whispered back._

"_Look, as long as it's not Slytherin you'll be fine."_

_A new panic washed over me. James had told me all about the four Hogwarts houses that summer after we both received our letters. And then I heard him talking to that Black boy about how terrible they thought Slytherin was. I knew James detested that particular house and I was terrified that I might end up in there and lose the only family I had known._

"_But James," I continued in fear, "we don't know what type of person I was before. What if I was…" I lowered my voice even more and James had to lean in closer to hear me. "Evil," I finished, trembling. James laughed loudly causing the nearby students to look at us. I could feel my cheeks burning and I ducked my head in embarrassment._

"_Kate, I know you're not evil. You're far from it. Just relax, and trust me. You'll make it into Gryffindor."_

"_Potter, James," the professor called out._

_I whimpered softly, but James smiled broadly and gave my hand a gently squeeze before marching up to the stool with an air of confidence about him. The hat had barely touched his head before shouting "Gryffindor." James, still smiling broadly, proudly joined his now fellow Gryffindors, including that Black boy, at the table to our immediate left. _

_I watched mindlessly as James was greeted by the other Gryffindors and congratulated by the Black boy, and I didn't hear when the professor called my name. The boy behind me gave me a light push and my eyes shot forward._

"_Kate Potter," the stern professor called out impatiently as her eyes narrowed in on me. I swallowed roughly and began to stumble forward. I could feel everyone's eyes watching me but none were more intense than those of my brother's, except perhaps the man with the half moon spectacles. I didn't know who he was, but I recognized him from his many visits to the hospital where I was kept for about three months before the Potter's decided to adopt me._

_I sat on the stool cautiously; my legs were shaking severely so that was easier said than done. I searched for James and found him only seconds before the hat covered my eyes. He was still smiling like he didn't have a care in the world; I wished I could be as sure of things as he was. I jumped and nearly fell off the stool when a voice suddenly sounded in my head. _

"_Hmm, interesting. Very interesting," the voice, I could only assume was the hat, said. "Let's see where to put you? Perhaps…no, no that won't do. Maybe…no not at all. Dear you are difficult aren't you? Well then what about…yes, yes Ravenclaw would work very nicely. Yes I think Ravenclaw…"_

"_**No. It has to be Gryffindor**__," I thought._

"_Gryffindor? Are you sure?"_

"_**Please, put me in Gryffindor. I need to be in Gryffindor**__."_

"_Gryffindor? But a mind like yours would excel in Ravenclaw. But I suppose… yes, Gryffindor would work for you as well. Hmm…Yes, yes I see you're right. Well then…_

"_Gryffindor!" the hat shouted aloud and it was quickly removed from my head._

_In a daze I stumbled from the stool and made my way to the Gryffindor table where James was cheering louder than anyone else. He pulled me into a bone crushing hug._

"_See, what did I tell you? No worries," James said as I sat beside him_

"_Yeah," was all I was able to say._

_~SSW~  
_

"Kate…"

I was pulled from my flashback by a gentle nudge to my shoulder. I looked at James, startled.

"Kate, are you okay?"

"Yeah," I murmured.

"You went all glassy-eyed there for a minute."

"I'm fine. I was just thinking."

"About what?"

"About how I got away." It wasn't a total lie; I actually did at that very moment wonder how I had escaped.

"And how did you get away Kate?" the Headmaster asked, drawing my attention back to him.

I shook my head. "That's just it sir, I don't know. I mean they disarmed me from the start, and then they wrestled my telescope from my hands. I was bound, I couldn't move my hands and I couldn't speak. He had me pinned to the floor and his hands…" I couldn't finish my train of thought as tears began to force their way out of my eyes. I closed my eyes tight as the scene from the tower played through my head again.

"I wanted it to stop." I finally continued eyes still closed. "I tried fighting back, but he only fought harder to keep me. He was stronger than I was. I yelled for him to stop, but of course no one could hear me by then. Then, suddenly, there was a loud boom only it wasn't too loud because it didn't disturb anybody in the castle. I felt this wave of magic wash over me and I was freed. My wrists were released and the attackers were scattered about, knocked out I think, and the door…the door which was locked before now stood open."

I opened my eyes, and saw through my teary vision that the Headmaster was watching me with a curious look on his face. "I didn't stop to think of how it happened sir, I just ran."

"Hmm…" The Headmaster rubbed his chin in concentration. "It seems to me that…" But what it seemed to him, I never found out because at that moment Professors McGonagall and Flitwick returned from the tower.

"Any news?" he asked as he stood to meet them.

"No, nothing Albus," Professor Flitwick said solemnly. "Any sign or trace of an attack has vanished."

"We did, however," Professor McGonagall added. "Find these." It was then that I noticed that she was carrying both my wand and my telescope. "I'm afraid that the wand has been snapped." She held up the two separate pieces of my wand; a tear leaked out. "And this…"

"No," I gasped when I saw the poor state of my telescope box. "Professor, may I?" I held out my hands, reaching for my telescope. With a sense of reluctance Professor McGonagall walked over to me and placed the telescope box in my hands. I placed it in my lap and examined it closely.

The box itself had received heavy damage. The red oak box had been blackened, as if burned. The lid was loose on its hinges and the handle had fallen off. There were chunks missing from the wood, leaving deep valleys in the once smooth exterior. Fearing the worst and hoping for the best I slowly lifted the lid. My telescope was no better off than its protective case. I lifted the broken pieces from the cloth bed and cradled them to my chest. The potion's hold over me broke and great sobs erupted from deep within me.

Within seconds a pair of arms wrapped around me and I was cradled into a chest. But these arms holding me weren't the arms I expected. I didn't feel that sense familiarity I received whenever James hugged me to his chest. And somehow I knew it wasn't James that was comforting me now and my theory was proven correct when James suddenly spoke from across the room.

"Professor Dumbledore sir, do you think Kate's attackers might have been Death Eaters?"

"Death Eaters? In Hogwarts?" Professor Flitwick squeaked.

"My word, how do you even know of such things?" Professor McGonagall asked.

"I heard my father talking about them. They're the followers of Voldemort. My dad says there's a war coming. He's told Kate and me to be on our guard when we leave the house."

"You father, James, is a very wise man. You should heed is advise," the Headmaster responded. "But, I can assure you that there will never be a Death Eater who steps foot on these grounds so long as I live."

"Then I bet they were Slytherins."

"Mr. Potter. That is a very serious accusation," Professor McGonagall scolded.

"Well, they're all just training to be Death Eaters anyways, aren't they?"

"The Slytherins receive the same training as you do," the Headmaster answered.

"Yea, here maybe, but at home?"

"Mr. Potter, I think you should leave the hunt for your sister's attackers to the Professors," Professor Flitwick said.

"Yes, and meanwhile you should direct your focus to your sister," Professor McGonagall added.

"It's for Kate that I make these accusations."

"Enough of this," the Headmaster ordered. "I think it's time we get Miss Potter to the care of Madam Pomfrey. The former could do with a good night's rest."

I could hear the group approaching me from behind now, and even though the tears had slowed their flowing, I stayed nestled into the chest of my comforter.

"Now Kate, do you think you can walk to the hospital wing?" the Headmaster asked me gently.

I shook my head no.

"Actually Professor," Remus spoke up. I could feel the vibrations in my cheek as he spoke; it was his arms that held me. "I think her foot may be broken. I'm not certain, but it looks to be quite swollen."

"Why, I believe you may be right," the Headmaster said from beside me. "She'll have to be carried then."

"I'll do it," James said quickly and without waiting for a response he pulled me from Remus' arms and held me in his own. I looked over James' shoulders and saw a flash of anguish cross Remus' face. I immediately longed to be back in his arms instead of James'.

"James and I will take Kate to see Poppy," the Headmaster said authoritatively. "Meanwhile, I think you boys should return to your dormitories."

"I'll see to it that they do indeed return to their dormitory," Professor McGonagall said. "Misters Lupin, Black, and Pettigrew, this way please."

I saw Remus' downcast eyes as he nodded once before following Sirius out, then James followed after Peter and the Headmaster walked out last. I watched Remus' for as long as I could, until we had to part ways. James, with me in his arms and the Headmaster walking along beside us, turned into the corridor leading away from Gryffindor tower and towards the Hospital Wing.


	7. Alone

First new Chapter!

* * *

Alone

_Stars, I have seen them fall,  
But when they drop and die  
No star is lost at all  
From all the star-sown sky.  
_

_-Stars _by A. E. Housman

By the time we reached the hospital wing, I was overcome with silent sobs again. Madam Pomfrey quickly attended to my wounds and then, to my surprise and great relief, she gave me a sleeping draught, and I slept all night and all day and all night again, in a dreamless sleep. When I woke up it was to find a bright sun streaming through the window and Jeanette sitting beside my bed.

"Well good morning sunshine," Jeanette said. "Your father was beginning to worry; he thought you'd never wake up. But I told him that you would wake when you were ready."

"Harold's here too?" My voice sounded strange to me.

"Well of course he's here. He wanted to come as soon as we received the owl from Dumbledore. But I reasoned with him and convinced him to wait until morning. He's only just stepped out for a moment now. He'll return soon; I'm sure of that. Are you thirsty? Would you like some water?"

"Actually can I have some pumpkin juice instead?"

"Certainly." Jeanette smiled and walked around the dividing partition and out of sight.

As I heard the pouring of liquid, I pushed myself up into a sitting position and looked around. From what I could tell the hospital wing was deserted apart from Madam Pomfrey, Jeanette, and myself. Light was streaming though each of the windows, and sitting on the small table beside my bed were the broken pieces of my wand and my busted telescope.

"I wouldn't worry about them too much dear," Jeanette said as she returned with my juice. "Once Poppy says you're well enough, we're going to go shopping."

"Shopping?" I asked, puzzled, before taking a sip of my drink.

"Well of course dear. You can't do your lessons without a proper wand."

I didn't have a chance to respond because both Harold and James walked around the partition then. James just stood back and watched with a downcast look on his face as Harold swept me into a large hug. I knew from his mannerisms that James had already been scolded. I smiled apologetically at him over Harold's shoulder; James just shrugged and gave me a faint smile in return.

~SSW~

Madam Pomfrey kept me in the hospital wing until after noon; she called down to the kitchen and had a few lunch plates sent up for the four of us. She released me after that and Jeanette swept me off for our afternoon of shopping. We arrived in the alley behind The Leaky Cauldron before entering into Diagon Alley. It wasn't as busy was it usually was before the start of school, but there were still a fair amount of witches out shopping.

We walked down the street, heading towards our first shop of the day. Jeanette's deep royal blue robes flowed gently behind her. Her hair was in its usual braid that sat upon her head as if it were a crown. The gray strands were intermingled with the black weave and when the sunlight touched them, they shimmered like silver. I, on the other hand, was dressed in casual Muggle wear with my hair down to cover the scars. Jeanette thought it best to buy me new school robes first. My robes, of course, could have been fixed with a simple repairing charm, but Jeanette thought I would appreciate all new robes to keep the nightmares away. I didn't really think it would help much, but there was no arguing against Jeanette once she had her mind set.

We were in the robe shop for about an hour before walking out with our purchase and heading down the road to Ollivander's for a new wand. Jeanette first explained that my wand was snapped in an accident, and, as she laid it on the counter, she asked if there was any way Mr. Ollivander could repair it. Unfortunately he couldn't, and instead he set about bringing out other wands that were similar to mine. I tried several wands made of beech and a few that had unicorn hair, but none of them worked for me. When it became clear that I was not going to be selected by the same kind of wand as my former, Mr. Ollivander began to bring out several random wands for me to try. Each box lay open on the counter, there were about ten this time I guess. I closed my eyes and let my hand trace lightly over the wands, waiting, hoping one would choose me; I didn't know what would happen if a wand didn't select me. At last, I felt a sort of heat radiating from the wand beneath my fingers. I opened my eyes and held the thin piece of wood tenderly in my hand. Immediately my body was filled with the same heat that flowed earlier as the magic pulsed inside of me.

"This is it," I said softly.

"Well, give it a try," Jeanette encouraged from over my shoulder.

I gripped the wand a little tighter and with all the confidence I could muster, I murmured, "Lumos." A white light, strong and steady, shot forth from the tip of my wand.

"Good! Very good!" Mr. Ollivander cheered as he picked up the box. "Eleven and a half inches, Holly with Gryffon feather. A strong wand for a strong witch."

"Thank you for your time, Mr. Ollivander." Jeanette paid for my new wand while I placed it back in its box and placed the box in the one of our bags.

We had spent nearly two hours in Ollivander's, but we only had one other place to go: the magical instruments shop to purchase a new telescope. I knew Jeanette put this stop off for last because she knew it'd probably be hardest for me. And indeed, it was the hardest. I didn't know how I could even look at another telescope when all I saw was my shattered one. Nevertheless though, I did end up picking out a new model, however half-heartedly it may have been. The model I picked wasn't even going to be released until the following morning, so the shop had to order one and have it sent out to Hogwarts first thing.

After we left the last shop of the day it was around five o'clock and both Jeanette and I were a little hungry, so we went to one of the café's and had dinner outside under the umbrella. All day Jeanette and I had kept up a casual conversation; Jeanette made sure to keep the conversation away from school, until dinner time that is.

"So, how are classes going so far?"

I shrugged, "Alright I guess." Jeanette, of course, knew nothing of the nightmares I'd been having or of my attempts to tire myself out. "We've been working on non-verbal spells. I've managed one or two of them already."

"I have no doubt that you have. You're very brilliant you know. And how's James doing? Is he still watching you like a hawk?"

I couldn't help the small smile that spread on my face. "Not as much as he used to."

"Good."

"That's probably why I'm in this mess anyways."

"Kate!" Jeanette suddenly scorned loudly. "I will not have you say anything of the sort again. This is not your fault. Do you understand?" She looked at me severely and I could feel myself cowering before her.

"Yes ma'am. Sorry."

"Good, now that that's all settled." She smiled. Jeanette took a small bite of her salad and we settled into a, mildly, comfortable silence for a few minutes. "So, that Lupin boy—what's his name?"

"Remus."

"Yes, well he seems very nice."

"He is," I responded without thinking. Jeanette flashed me a mischievous smile; I could definitely see where James got his from.

"He came to visit you quite frequently. Sirius and that other boy were there too, but Mr. Lupin came quite frequently."

I could feel the blush creeping over my cheeks; I ducked my head to try and hide behind my hair. "He's just a friend, mum." _And he probably still feels guilty._

"I don't know; he had that look."

"What look?"

"The look that say's he cares about you very much."

My heart filled with hope and I had to quickly push it aside. "He's just a friend."

"Hmm."

"And even if there was anything else there, which there isn't, James—James would never allow it. He doesn't want me dating his friends."

"Ah, James. I can see how that would be difficult. Well, do you want to know what I have to say about that?" She didn't wait for me to respond, "What James doesn't know, won't hurt him." She smiled warmly at me and I returned a small smile of my own. "It's getting late; we should get you back to school."

Jeanette flagged the waitress over to pay our bill while I gathered what few bags we had. We didn't bother walking back to The Leaky Cauldron but disapparated from the cafe and arrived back in front of the gates of Hogwarts. Hagrid, the grounds keeper, met us to let us in; though, I'm not sure how he knew to get there when he did. Harold was sitting on one of the stone benches in the entrance hall reading the _Daily Prophet_. When he saw us, he leapt up and gathered me into another large hug while jumping into a string of questions that were all related to how I was doing.

"Harold, let her breathe. My goodness; Kate is fine. How many times must I tell you that?" Jeanette said as she pried Harold's arms off of me. "Kate, dear, why don't you put your bags down over there? The house-elves will make sure they get to your room."

"Do you need anything else pumpkin? Anything at all?" Harold asked as I set my bags down. I shook my head no. "Don't hesitate to ask. You know, I'll give you anything you want."

I shook my head again. "I'm fine, Harold, really. I'm just a bit tired still."

"Alright, if you're sure then."

"I am."

I said goodbye to Harold and Jeanette, after yet another large hug from Harold, before heading into the great hall to join my fellow classmates at dinner. I was worried about the attention I would draw going in so late because I didn't know how much people knew about the…incident. When I opened the large double doors, all eyes turned on me, as I feared they would, but fortunately they all turned away again when they say it was _just_ me. I quickly found James and the guys at the table and sat down in the empty spot next to Sirius.

"Mum and Dad gone?" James asked. I nodded.

"Are you feeling better, Kate?" James' girlfriend, Lizzy, asked.

Her question confused me for a moment, but Sirius quickly explained. "You fell ill on Friday, remember? That's why you've been in the hospital wing all weekend. Maybe you should go back to Madam Pomfrey if you're still not well."

"I'm fine. I feel much better now actually. Things are still just a bit fuzzy. Madam Pomfrey says that's typical with a fever."

"So you're alright then?" Lizzy asked again. I nodded. "Good, maybe James will cheer up now. He's been very worried about you."

"He's just being a good brother."

"Of course he is! James is good at everything." There was a moment of slight awkwardness as Lizzy beamed at James. "Right, well, I promised Eliza that I'd talk to her after dinner, so I'll see you later. Bye James." She kissed him quickly on the lips, but I could tell that he wasn't really that into their relationship any more. "Bye, Kate. I'm glad to see you're feeling better." I nodded as she pranced off.

"I think it's time you break up with her," Sirius said once she was out of hearing range.

"Maybe," James responded dully.

"I like her," I said. "She's a lot less bothersome than some of the other girls you've dated."

"Yeah, like that Emily girl last year," Peter piped in. "She was atrocious."

Sirius murmured his agreement while stuffing his mouth with food. I noticed that James wasn't really eating his; he was more or less just moving things around on his plate. I didn't even have a plate.

"Aren't you going to eat something, Kate?" Peter asked as he shoved a spoonful of potatoes into his mouth.

"I'm not hungry," I responded.

"Kate, you need to eat something," James insisted.

"Look who's talking." I pointed to his plate of food.

"I didn't miss a whole day's worth of meals, either. Now eat."

"I already have. Mum and I ate in Diagon Alley."

"Oh... well, you didn't tell us that."

I chose not to respond and looked around the table instead. I suddenly realized that someone was missing from our little quintet.

"Where's Remus?" The three boys just looked at me like I was daft.

"He's… you know," Sirius tried motioning with his hands and it suddenly dawned on me what tonight was.

"Oh! Oh, right. It's—it's Sunday." _How could I forget that tonight was the full moon?_ "So, I guess that means you'll be…?"

"Yeah," James answered. I looked away sadly. "Unless… unless you need us to stay here?"

I looked at him astonished. I couldn't believe that he was actually offering to give up his night out of the castle for me, and judging by the similar astonished looks on Peter and Sirius' face, they couldn't believe it either. What struck me as even surprising though, was how much I wanted to say _'yes I need you stay.'_ I did not want to face the night alone. Just as I was about to open my mouth and beg James not to go, I thought of Remus. Without the guys there to help him, Remus would turn back to fighting with himself. How could I do that to Remus? How could I be so selfish? I quickly composed myself.

"What?" I tried to make it sound like James' suggestion was the most ridiculous thing I'd ever heard. "No, no you go. Remus needs you. I'll be alright." Sirius and Peter looked relieved instantly, but James still seemed on edge.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure. I'm still a bit tired from that sleeping draft. I think I'm just going to head to bed now anyways." I faked a yawn for emphasis.

"Oh, alright. Good night then."

"Good night," I said as I stood up. I left the great hall without looking back.

~SSW~

In the Gryffindor Tower I went to the sixth year girls dormitory to find it empty; the other girls must have still been at dinner. Good. My shopping bags were sitting at the foot of my bed already. I ignored them for the time being and instead I pulled the curtains closed, cast a silencing charm around the bed, and crawled under the covers. I didn't want anyone to hear the thunderous sobs that erupted from deep within, once the covers were pulled over my head.

I cried for several reasons that night. I cried for my broken telescope. I cried for self pity and a forgotten past. I cried for an unrequited love. I cried for helplessness. I cried for the little girl in the fire. I cried because I was alone. I was alone, both literally and symbolically. There was no one around to comfort me. There was no one around to talk to. I felt utterly alone. The afternoon with Jeanette had helped ease my suffering, a little, but it was often times difficult to relate to her. Jeanette was very defined; she was static. She knew exactly who she was, and I—I had no clue.

I lay there for hours while, what felt like years, of anguish gushed from my eyes. I cried more in those few hours than I ever had in my six years of remembering. I screamed out my frustrations as I beat my hands on my pillow. It was a good thing I was so good at the silencing charm, otherwise Lily might have thought it necessary to place me in the mental ward at St. Mungo's.

I wished more than anything that Remus could have been there to hold me like he had in the Headmaster's office. I had never felt more secure or more at ease than I did in his arms. But I knew that despite whatever Jeanette thought, there could never be anything between Remus and me. How could he ever see me as anything more than just a friend? Or worse, a baby sister; one he had to protect. This thought, of course, only led to more tears and a different kind of anguish.

Any other person probably would have cried themselves to sleep, but, after I'd cried myself dry, I was too terrified to sleep. Not only did I have the reoccurring nightmare about the girl in the house, but now I had the real-life nightmare of the astronomy tower to worry about. No, I could no t sleep. And in an attempt to stay awake, I recited various potions from memory. I don't know how long I'd been lying there when I thought I felt something crawling on me. I slowly pulled the covers back to look around, and, wouldn't you know it, there was a fat rat sitting on my leg. Spending so much time with the Marauders had made me accustomed to seeing weird or creepy things, so I didn't scream. I was puzzled though; I didn't think Hogwarts had rats, but then I noticed something strangely familiar about the rat. It was the eyes. I recognized those beady, black eyes.

"Peter?" I questioned. The rat didn't speak, of course, but its head dropped down slightly and then he lifted it up again. It was almost as if he were nodding at me.

"What are you doing here Pete? What if one of the girls saw you? Lily would have hexed you." I was certain by now that this was in fact Peter in his Animagus form sitting on my bed, but Lily wouldn't have known that; she would have just thought it was an ordinary rat.

Peter scurried to the bottom corner of the bed and looked in the direction of the door. Then, he looked back at me before looking to the door again.

"What? Do you—do you want me to follow you?" Peter looked back at me and seemed to give me another nod of his head before disappearing over the side of the bed.

Well, I can't say that this was the strangest thing Peter had done, but it was among the top twenty. I was left with two options. I could follow blindly after Peter, or I could ignore his odd antics and lay back down. If I did the former I might have to explain my own odd behavior. If I did the latter, I could continue to wallow in my own misery, alone. I was heavily leaning towards staying put and ignoring Peter. But…what if Peter had come to me because something had happened? A stag or a dog couldn't easily sneak into the girl's dormitory, but a rat could. What if there was another attack? What if something happened to Remus?

Without hesitating a moment longer, I grabbed my wand and flung the curtains back. Peter the rat was standing in the middle of the floor watching my bed. When he saw me get up, he ran to the door. I looked around the room and saw that the girls were all asleep before I followed after him. Peter led me over to the sixth year boy's dormitory before transforming back to his human self. I looked around the room anxiously; it was empty.

"What's going on Peter? What's wrong? Did something happen?" I tried to remain calm and not panic.

Peter shrugged. "Everything's fine."

"Then why are you here?"

"You seemed a little…down at dinner. I thought maybe, you could use a friend. So, I told James that I was coming back to keep you company."

"What about Remus? He needs you."

"James and Sirius can handle it. All I really do is get them in and out of the Shrieking Shack anyways."

"Peter, I…" I faltered in my resolve. I couldn't believe that he had come back for me; that I wouldn't have to spend the night alone after all.

"Look, I stopped by the kitchens on my way in and picked up a few snacks for us. I got a few games out as well we could play. Sirius taught me this Muggle card game, Crazy Eights; it's kind of dull, but it's real simple. I'd know you'd pick up on it right away. Or there's exploding snap, if we use a few silencing charms."

"I—I don't know what to say."

"How about, 'pass me the creampuffs?'" Peter suggested as he sat on the floor by his bed.

I smiled. "A creampuff sounds delightful, actually." I took one of the sweet desserts from the platter in Peter's outstretched hand as I sat across from him. "So, what's this Muggle card game you mentioned?"


	8. Friends

Friends

_Smiles soon abate; the boisterous throes  
Of anger long burst forth;  
Inconstantly the south-wind blows,  
But steadily the north._

_Thy star, O Venus! often changes  
Its radiant seat above,  
The chilling pole-star never ranges -  
'Tis thus with Hate and Love._

_-The Evening Star_ by Walter Savage Landor

I awoke the next morning engulfed by the sweet woodsy smell that unmistakably belonged solely to Remus; I was lying in his bed, alone, and wearing one of his shirts as a night dress. Peter was in his own bed snoozing away. We had stayed up for most of the night eating pudding and playing games. When we had finally decided to call it a night, I opted to sleep in one of the guy's shirts and Remus' was the most comfortable.

Even though I had only received a few hours of sleep, I felt incredibly refreshed; at least, more refreshed than I had felt in weeks. I suspected it had more to do with the comforting smell and less to do with actually succeeding in tiring myself out. If only there was some way I could wrap myself in Remus' scent every night, then I might be able to get some more sleep and get out of this foul mood I've been in.

I lay awake contemplating my options. I knew I should head back to my own dorm to shower and get dressed, it was Monday morning and we had lessons in a few hours, but I was too comfortable to move. My mind was made for me when I heard the door open and close. I pulled back the curtains to see James and Sirius stagger in looking tired and worn. James gave me a slight nod before he fell down on his bed, across from Remus'; Sirius did the same in the bed next to James'.

"Is Remus alright?" I asked.

"Mhm," Sirius mumbled. "Just went to ole' Poppy. Should be back tonight." He added through yawns. James had already fallen asleep, as demonstrated by his snoring, and I knew that Sirius wasn't too far behind him.

"See you at breakfast then?"

"Mhm," he breathed out before giving way to his snores.

"Maybe." I rolled out of bed and slid on my shoes before quietly leaving the boy's dorm.

~SSW~

As it was, neither of the guys made it to breakfast that morning and I had to sit next to Lily's group; they didn't mind though, it was actually quite a common occurrence on days that followed a full moon. James, Sirius, and Peter did make it to our first class, for which, I was thankful. Monday's were slow days for all of us. We just had Transfiguration and Charms, both of which were a double period. In both classes the professors lectured before setting us to practice non-verbal spells again. They also both assigned a half a meter essay due by Friday.

Remus didn't return until after dinner. I was sitting on one of the couches in the common room working on my charms essay when he walked in and sat beside me. I glanced up at him through the curtain my hair made. His head was resting on the back of the couch; his eyes were closed and his breathing was steady. He looked as if he could be sleeping, but then he sighed and rubbed his forehead before leaning forward and resting his elbows on his legs.

"What are you working on?" he asked me.

"Charms essay."

"Oh. When's it due?"

"Friday."

"How long is it supposed to be?"

"A half a meter. Professor McGonagall also assigned us an essay due Friday, but I've already…"

"…finished it during your free periods?"

I smiled sheepishly in response. He knew me so well.

"Is that your new telescope?" He pointed to the long, narrow package that was sitting on the table in front of the couch. The box was still sitting in its brown paper wrapping; I couldn't bring myself to open it when it arrived.

I didn't want to talk about my telescope, so I just nodded my response.

"Why haven't you opened it yet?" he asked.

I shrugged.

"Hmm. Do you mind if I look at it?"

"I guess not."

He seemed to consider it a moment more before leaning forward and taking the package in his hands. I tried to continue working on my essay, but as his fingers slid under the strings to move them aside I was mesmerized. I watched, again through the curtain of my hair, as his fingers slowly lifted the folded ends and unwrapped the box. My heart was racing, and the blood was flowing swiftly through my body. I could feel my pulse in ear and it muffled all sound as Remus gently lifted the dark mahogany box and brushed aside the brown wrappings. My breath hitched as he unlatched and raised the lid to reveal the polished wood finishing surrounding the series of lenses.

"Wow," he said slowly.

I couldn't speak. I couldn't breathe.

"It's beautiful."

He thought it was beautiful? All I could see was my busted telescope.

"This is the newest model, isn't it? It was just released today, I think."

Slowly, ever so slowly, my eyes seemed to come into focus and my busted telescope began to fade, giving way to the new.

"I'm sure you'll be able to see some amazing things with this, Kate."

I suppose it was sort of beautiful; however, I couldn't help but think, _"It's not __**my**__ telescope."_

"Kate…Kate."

I felt a hand on my left shoulder and quickly turned my head. My eyes found Peter's; he was staring at me.

"Are you ready?" Peter asked.

"Ready for what?"

"For class," he sounded confused. "We have Astronomy in ten minutes."

"Oh, right." Now I knew why he, and the other guys, were so confused; I never forgot about Astronomy. I slowly put up my ink and quill and rolled up my essay. I made to take my things up to my dorm, but Remus stopped me.

"Just come by our dorm tonight and get it. You don't have time to take it up now."

I nodded and left my things on the table instead. Remus handed me the box and I slowly took it from him before following Peter out the portrait hole. We walked to the astronomy tower in silence; well, I walked in silence, Peter tried talking to me but I didn't really respond. All the way to the astronomy tower, I could feel my heart rate increasing. With each step I took it felt like my legs were growing heavier. The corridors were getting longer. Sounds were muffled by the low hum in my ears, and I had tunnel vision. If Peter noticed anything, he didn't show it.

When we finally reached the bottom of the tower, the rest of the class was already there. Usually Peter and I would push our way through the crowd and I'd be the first to climb the stairs, eager to begin star gazing. But tonight, I stayed back as far from the door as I could be. When the professor showed up, the class began to file up the stairs, but still I remained in the back.

Peter and I fell in line with the other students and slowly approached the door. As the door came nearer, my feet became heavier, my heart thumped faster, sound was completely lost, and darkness swirled around me. At last I stood before the door, the spiraling staircase before me. A breeze seemed to flow from the top down, and I smelled it. The smell of evil. I froze. I couldn't go up. Peter was already on the stairs, leaving me. I didn't want to be alone. I hastily reached out and grabbed his wrist. He turned around, startled, and looked at me.

"Kate?"

I gasped for air and tried to speak, but nothing would come out; my throat was bone dry. Peter must have seen the fear on my face because he swiftly moved back down the stairs. He grabbed my hand and without a word he pulled me away from the tower. It felt like we were running through the corridors, and in truth we probably were. Several twists, turns, and secret passages away from the tower and I pulled my hand from Peter's. Panting for air, I pushed my back against the wall and slid to the floor where I placed my head in my hands and wept. I wasn't on the floor long before Peter lifted me by my elbows.

"Not here, Kate. Filch 'ill find us."

He led me through a few more passages, slower this time, before we stopped in front of a painting of a large fruit basket. I knew exactly where we were. Peter reached forward and tickled the pair, which gave way to a door knob after laughing. I sank against the door and continued crying in my hands as soon as we stepped into the kitchens.

"Not now. Go away. We don't want anything just yet," Peter shooed away the house elves that gathered around us.

I don't know how much time passed before my sobs gave way to mere sniffles, but eventually they did. And not long after that the sniffles gave way to silence. I rubbed furiously at my eyes to wipe away the last few tears before looking up to find Peter sitting at the closest table. I picked myself up and moved to sit beside him. One of the things I loved about Peter is that he didn't pester me about my feelings, even though I knew that was only because it made him so uncomfortable.

"How about a nice helping of pudding?" Peter asked. I nodded my approval and Peter called over a house elf and placed our request. A few minutes later, three of them returned with a large platter full of various sweets. I had just taken a bite of my chocolate éclair when the kitchen door opened and in stepped the remaining three Marauders.

"Aren't you two supposed to be in class?" James asked as he helped himself to our pudding.

"We're bunking off tonight," Peter replied casually.

"Six years and you finally get Kate to skip a class. Nice work, Wormtail," Sirius said.

"Who says this is the first time? How do you know we don't come down here most classes?"

"That would explain why he's not getting better at astronomy," Remus chimed in.

"Hey, I'm doing alright. I made an A in astronomy last year."

"Only because I did all of your homework for you," I said.

"Right, well, you didn't take my O.W.L for me."

"Not that you didn't try though," James laughed.

"Did not," Peter pouted.

"Didn't you try faking an illness in hopes that Kate would take the Polyjuice Potion and take your O.W.L. at a later date for you?"

"Well, it didn't work and I still got an A. I'd like to see you do better."

"I think I'll just leave the star gazing to my sister." James winked in my direction. I smiled back feebly.

Sirius ordered some more pudding, since the first platter had already been cleared, and we sat around talking, well, they talked. Thankfully, no one questioned me further about missing astronomy; although, I did notice Remus watching me curiously every now and then.

While the guys joked and laughed, I tried to push aside the crippling fear I felt earlier tonight. I tried not to think about what tonight really revealed: I couldn't climb the tower; I couldn't see the stars. I thought, instead, of how I had placed Remus' shirt in the clean pile and so it would be waiting for me when I got back to my dorm. The prospect of having another night's sleep with no nightmares was almost enough to pull me out of my funk, _almost_.

Suddenly—whether it was because James saw through my façade and thought he'd try to cheer me up, or if it was because James was just being, well, James, either way—I suddenly found myself with a cream pie dripping from my hair. James had levitated a pie, and, without my knowing, he'd brought it around my back and dropped it on my head. I gasped and stood up quickly. James doubled over in laughter.

"JAMES POTTER!"

"Oh boy," James halted his laughing.

"You better run, Prongs!" Sirius suggested.

James took a step back from the table. I grabbed a pie sitting next to me. James took two more steps back, before doubling over in laughter again. He didn't think I'd do it.

"You might want to listen to 'ole Padfoot here. Leopards are quite swift," I taunted.

James continued laughing until he saw the look in my eyes, and he knew I wasn't lying. He took off running for the door. Knowing that the fastest way from point A to point B is a straight line, I stepped up and crossed over the table and chased after him. I could hear the guys laughing loudly as I ran out of the kitchen on James' heels. I knew I was faster than James, but James knew the castle better than I did. All he needed was second's lead to sneak into a secret passage that I didn't know about and he would lose me. And that's exactly what he did.

Instead of running around the castle as if blindfolded, I decided to slow down and try stalking my prey. I moved to a darker corridor, away from the moonlight, and took a deep breath to steady my heart. I closed my eyes and focused my concentration on a single task. I discovered at the end of last year, while the guys were out during one of the full moons, that I could do something rather special. Not wanting my Animagus skill to go to waste I started experimenting with it. Now, with careful concentration and a lot of focus, I could change my head, and my head alone. Granted, it wasn't a complete transformation. My face became a little oblong and black fur covered it. My eyes turned yellow and my sense of sight became sharper. I sprouted whiskers and my ears became rounder so I could hear better. It looked really weird, but somehow cool too. And it came in handy a few times, like say, when I needed to hunt down James to throw a pie on his face.

When I opened my eyes, my sight was indeed much sharper. The shadows I was standing in were well defined, and I could see further down the corridor. A suit of armor moved at the end of the corridor and I saw the shadows shifting. I used my new whiskers to feel the air around me as I moved slowly down the corridor, keeping to the shadows—people weren't really accustomed to seeing a leopard face on a girl's body. I held the pie steadily in my left hand and my wand in my right. As I prowled I kept my ears open for a hint of movement.

My ears picked up the faintest sound a few meters behind me. I stiffened as I focused in on the sound; someone or something was coming. I moved deeper into the shadow on my left and brought the pie in front of my body. I knew it wasn't Mrs. Norris; I think it was some kind of feline feel, but I could sense other animals, especially cats, and Mrs. Norris was several corridors away. I also knew it wasn't Filch, because the corridors didn't reek of his stench. No, it wasn't Filch or Norris, but I did know who it was. I could sense the animal within.

I hid behind the slight out crop of the wall and waited for my prey. Steadily he approached. I held my breath. My nerves twitched in my hand; I was ready to pounce. He stepped in front of the out crop, unaware of my presence, and I launched myself at him

SPLAT!

~SSW~

As the pie plate began to slide off the body before me, I gave my head a quick shake to shake away the transformation and return to normal. I let out a small squeak and jumped backwards, tripping over my robes, as I saw the face of my victim; it wasn't James. Just as I was about to knock my head on the stone wall behind me, a pair of arms wrapped around my waist and pulled me forward. I hesitantly reached up and wiped away some of the pie cream.

"R—Remus?" I choked out. I covered my mouth with my cream covered hands as I tried to hold back the laughter. I had pied Remus!

"Merlin, Remus! I'm so…" I chortled. "I'm so sorry." I couldn't fight the laughs anymore and they burst forth. Luckily, Remus joined in.

"It's alright, Kate." He removed some of the pie from his face with one hand; the other remained wrapped around my waist. "A pie in the face is worth hearing you laugh again. I don't think I've heard you laugh since the train ride."

I didn't know how to respond to his comment, so I ignored it for now. "You were supposed to be James," I said as I siphoned away as much of the pie as I could.

"I was afraid this would happen."

"What are you doing out here anyways?"

"I—I didn't want you to be left alone, so I followed you."

"Oh. Well, thanks." I smiled and ducked my head. My well trained hair fell to hide my face.

"Kate Potter! Don't you dare hide your smile from me." Remus tilted my chin up so I was forced to look at him. "It's such a rare thing this term, and I've missed it."

My smile grew a little wider of its own accord.

"Besides, any friend would follow you after what happened Friday night."

My smile dropped. All traces of it disappeared. I suddenly felt hallow and alone. I felt a cold breeze rustle around me and I shivered. Remus must of have noticed my sudden vacant expression.

"Kate, I—I'm sorry. I didn't mean to bring it up."

He thought I was upset over the mention of the attack. And I was. Wasn't I? I looked up at his face and knew that it wasn't the attack that upset me now. He had just confirmed my worst fears. We were _friends_.

"Kate, I'm really sorry."

"It's alright," I said dully. "You were only being a friend." I tried pushing away from his chest, but his arms wrapped tighter around me.

"Kate, no." He pulled me tight against his body and the coldness dissipated as the fire of his touch rushed through me. He cupped my right cheek in his palm as his thumb traced lightly over the scar beneath my eye.

"Kate, I…" His voice was husky, and his words caught in his throat. I felt his hot breath on my skin as our mouths inched closer together. My eyes drifted shut as I waited with bated breath for what would surely be the greatest thing to ever happen to me.

This was happening, right?

"What do we have here, Mrs. Norris? Students out of bed?"

Or not.

* * *

Leave it to Filch to ruin everything! Want a look at my idea of the characters? Swing over to my profile and click on the Characters link under the Scars summary; you'll fine the four Marauders, Kate, and Lily there.


	9. Detention

Here you go! The next installment. Now, this is actually the last written chapter, but hopefully chapter 9 will be done by next week. When we last left Remus and Kate they were just about to kiss... or were they? Hmmm...

* * *

Detention

"_If we take the generally accepted definition of bravery _

_As a quality which knows no fear,_

_I have never seen a brave man._

_All men are frightened._

_The more intelligent they are,_

_The more they are frightened."_

-George S. Patton

Remus and I jumped apart at the sound of Filch's voice.

"Two students found out of bed snoggin' in the corridors. And one of them a Gryffindor Prefect. We are going to enjoy this," Filch sneered to his cat. "Off to McGonagall's. Let's go."

I couldn't bring myself to look at Remus as I followed after Filch grudgingly. And I couldn't let myself feel disappointed either; it's not like Remus was actually going to kiss me. He would have realized what he was about to do and he would have stopped. After all, he had just confirmed that we were only friends. But I couldn't shake the look I saw in his eyes, just before I closed mine. It was almost as if he _wanted_ to kiss me. It was a small glimmer of hope that I didn't need, but couldn't let go of.

Needless to say, Professor McGonagall wasn't very pleased with being disturbed in the middle of the night to find out that two of her prized students were caught after hours. McGonagall in her dress robes with the severest look set upon her face as I'd ever seen, was something I dearly wanted to forget.

"Fifteen points from Gryffindor and a detention for you both! Now off to bed!" McGonagall retreated back to her room with a slam of the door. I winced at the harsh sound.

Filch led us back to the Gryffindor tower, taunting all the way there. Remus and I followed in silence, only speaking when we reached the portrait of the Fat Lady. As Filch rounded the corner, leaving us alone, Remus murmured the password. The common room was empty and the cinders in the fireplace were glowing faint. We stood in awkward silence, looking anywhere but at each other.

"James is going to kill me," Remus said with a heavy sigh.

"James." I had nearly forgotten about my quest to seek vengeance on James. I marched determinedly up the stairs and threw open the door to the boys sixth year dormitory.

"Ah, finally she catches up to me. Long time no see, sis." James sat casually on his four poster bed, as if he were waiting for me. Sirius and Peter sat nearby, smiling.

"This isn't over James. I will strike back when you least expect it."

"Is that a threat?" He mocked fear.

"No, it's a promise."

"Aw, don't be such a sourpuss, Leo, just because Prongs beat you," Sirius teased.

"He did not beat me. We all know that in a fair race I would win."

"Well then, that's not much incentive for me to play fair is it?"

"There you are Moony!" Sirius exclaimed. "Where have you been? And what's that on your robes?"

I looked over my shoulder at Remus, who had just come through the door. I saw the outline of my hands on his robes in cream. Peter approached Remus and bravely swiped his finger in the cream and stuck it in his mouth.

"It's cream pie," Peter declared.

"Pie?" Sirius laughed out.

"She got you!" James joined in. "Man I wish I could have been there."

I was rather thankful that he hadn't been there, and I wished that Filch wasn't there either. "It was supposed to be you coming around the corner, not Remus," I explained. This only made James, Sirius, and Peter laugh even louder. Remus and I were the only ones not laughing, perhaps because we'd almost…

I shook my head. I had enough of James for one night. "I'm leaving," I said exasperatedly, as I moved forward to grab my belongings.

"Aw, don't leave Leo. We want to know more," Sirius said.

"Yeah, like the look on Moony's face when it happened," Peter added.

"Or the look on yours when you realized it wasn't me," James laughed even louder.

"I've got to try and wash this stuff out of my hair." I stalked to the door. "And, watch your back, James. You never know when I might pounce." I let the door close roughly behind me, drowning out his roaring laughter.

~SSW~

The rest of the week passed without much happening. Lily managed to corner me in the dorm on Tuesday, where she told me she was glad I was feeling better. I made Peter go to astronomy alone on Wednesday night. Thursday, after transfiguration, I talked to Professor McGonagall about pulling out of astronomy all together. She wasn't thrilled with the idea—neither was I for that matter—but I wasn't backing down. By Thursday evening, much to my disappointment, James and Lizzy had broken up. And lastly, at breakfast on Friday, Remus and I received letters that said we were to meet Filch in the entrance hall at one p.m. on Saturday for our detention.

Saturday. I was a little disappointed to be giving up what was probably going to be the last _nice_ Saturday afternoon. For now, the sun was shining and there was only a light cool breeze, but next weekend would probably be tainted by a cold, harsh rain storm and every weekend thereafter would be much of the same before the rain turned to snow. I had been looking forward to spending this Saturday reading one of my favorite books under the beech tree out by the lake. At least now I would be spending the afternoon with Remus. Hey! I'm trying to think positive here. It's not as easy as it sounds.

Speaking of Remus, he was already standing in the entrance hall with Filch when I walked down the last few stairs.

"All here then?" Filch asked, his voice laced with disdain. "Well, let's go." He gave a short nod to his cat and she strutted off to roam the castle for other rule breakers. Remus and I glanced at each other, briefly, before following Filch out onto the grounds.

"Detention with Hagrid, it's a bunch of rubbish if you ask me. That's the trouble with student's these days, no proper punishment. Should hang you by your ankles with chains in the dungeons like the old ways, that's what we should do."

Filch went on about how students weren't punished enough all the way down to Hagrid's; Remus and I walked silently behind him. Along the way, I saw many students enjoying their day like I wish I could. It really was a nice Saturday. Filch left us as soon as Hagrid met us outside his hut, but on his way back Filch continued to mumble about "proper punishment." Apparently, over the summer Hagrid decided to plant a vegetable garden, and for our punishment Remus and I would be harvesting it.

The garden wasn't hard to spot. It was about a quarter the size of a Quidditch pitch and it was full of overgrown plants. I could recognize a few normal foods—corn, green beans, lettuce—but then, I also saw a few plants that looked like they might bite if I got too close. Hagrid gave us baskets, tools, and gloves and left us to get to work.

Remus and I decided to start on separate rows; we knew we could probably cover more ground if we started in opposite corners, but the plants in the back scared us both. The first few rows were pretty easy. We plucked and we pulled, and we worked up a light sweat under the October sun. We filled several baskets of very healthy looking veggies. After a good few hours of working, Remus and I had still yet to speak a word to each other. To say that there was still a lingering awkwardness left over from the almost kiss, would be an understatement.

Just because we weren't speaking, doesn't mean I wasn't sneaking a glimpse of him as often as I could. Merlin was he beautiful. Though it was the weekend and we weren't required to wear the uniform, he still wore a light button down shirt. The top few buttons were open and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbow, accentuating his forearm muscles as he gripped the harvest. The sweat, gleaming on his forehead in the sun, made his shirt cling tightly to his body and his hair to stick to the curves of his jaw. My heart, already fluttering by looking at him, was sent into overdrive when he looked up from his work and smiled at me. I tried to smile back before turning away.

When I finished the row I had been working on, I found Remus sitting on the ground waiting for me. I set the basket of cabbage down and looked around. The sun was significantly lower in the sky than when we had begun, but thankfully we only had five rows left. As I took another look at the remaining rows, I realized why Remus was waiting.

"I thought we could do the rest together," he said.

"Snapping Radish and Tarantula Zucchini?"

"Looks like it."

"Now I see why Hagrid gave us dragon hide gloves." I pulled a pair of gloves from my back jean pocket. Dragon hide gloves were rightfully named. They were work gloves that were infused with a dragon's skin. The tough exterior and magic made the gloves impenetrable and perfect for working with some of the more dangerous wizarding plants. Not that Snapping Radishes were particularly dangerous, they weren't poisonous or anything, but they bloody well hurt when they bit you with their four pointed teeth. And Tarantula Zucchini had vines that would do whatever it took to protect their crop.

"You haven't been wearing your gloves?" Remus asked as he looked at my dirt caked hands.

"They're uh—a little big," I responded as I slid one of the gloves on. Remus chuckled at how the gloved fingers clearly stuck out a few inches further than my own fingers and the glove hung from my wrist.

"Here, let me see them?" I placed the gloves into his outstretched hand. He pulled out his wand, and I watched as the glove shrunk with a simple tap.

"A shrinking charm? Why didn't I think of that?" I slid the gloves on my hands; they fit perfectly now. "Thanks."

"It was nothing. Come on, let's get started, shall we?" He turned into the first row of Snapping Radishes and I followed suit.

~SSW~

"I'm going to go dump this basket before it gets too full," I said as I dropped the wiggling radish into the basket sitting between us. Remus nodded his response. I stood up and brushed the loose dirt off my knees while wiggling my toes to get the blood flowing to them again. My whole body was aching as I lifted the basket to hip level. A nice, long, hot shower was sounding real nice right about now.

"Oh Kate look out!" Remus called out a second too late. I stepped out with my right foot but my left was restrained. Unbalanced, I toppled forward spilling the basket and falling face first into the dirt.

"BLOODY HELL!" I screamed out as a dozen sharp fang-like teeth sunk into my hands.

"Kate!"

I rolled over and sat up in time to see Remus kneel before me. With a flick of his wand the loose radishes flew back into the basket behind me, but the six that had their teeth embedded in my skin remained.

"This will probably hurt a little."

"It already hurts—a lot," I said through my teeth as tears leaked from my eyes and blurred my vision. I bit back my cry of protest as Remus ripped each radish from my hand and tossed it back in the basket. The pain subsided slightly once all the radishes were removed. After Remus had pulled the last radish out, he removed my gloves gently. There were several pin like holes and a few tears though which blood flowed from and mingled with the dirt on my hands.

"Aguamenti," Remus murmured and a stream of water flowed from his wand and onto my hands. I took in a sharp intake of breath and hissed as I tried jerking my hands back, but Remus held on tightly by the wrists.

"Sorry."

"It's alright. It just stings a little," I said, shaking my head.

Remus continued spaying my hands and wiping away the dirt. "You should be fine. The cuts aren't that deep. See look, the bleeding has already stopped on the smaller ones."

"What the bloody hell hap—Ugh!" I couldn't finish my sentence because my left leg was suddenly jerked forward and I fell back and hit my head on the ground. I grunted as my leg was jerked again. I struggled to sit up and see what was happening. A vine from one of the Tarantula Zucchini plants had wrapped around my left ankle and was attempting to pull me back.

"Get it off me!" I shouted as I started shaking my foot; however, this only seemed to anger the vine and it pulled harder.

"Diffindo," Remus said in a controlled voice. The vine was severed and I scampered away from it quickly.

"Bloody Merlin! Is Hagrid completely out of his mind? Who puts Snapping Radish and Tarantula Zucchini in a vegetable garden?"

Remus stifled a chuckle.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Sorry, it's just… You're flustered."

"And?"

"And, I think it's adorable."

I could feel the blood rushing to my cheeks as a blush spread across them. I ducked my head instinctively.

"Hey, what did I say about hiding your smile?"

"Sorry." I smiled sheepishly. Remus smiled back and just like that my anger and frustration dissipated. Remus folded his legs underneath him and sat crossed legged.

"Kate, I should be apologizing to you," he said in a sudden serious tone.

"Why? You didn't plant this garden." I wrapped my arms around my knees.

"For last Friday?"

"Last Fri…?" My smile faded when I realized what he was talking about. Remus didn't notice because his eyes shifted downward and he starred at the ground.

"I'm sorry I upset you, Kate. I should have chosen my words more carefully."

"Stop," I said quietly. Remus didn't listen.

"I can't help but to think, that if I hadn't of upset you then you…"

"Stop."

"…wouldn't have run off into the woods, and then you…"

"Please, stop."

"…wouldn't have been attacked. And then…"

"Remus, DON'T!" I said forcefully as I stood up. Finally, I got his attention. He looked up at me with sad, apologetic eyes, mouth slightly agape. I tried taking deep, soothing breathes.

"Don't blame yourself, Remus. It wasn't your fault. I was so desperate… I probably would have gone running anyways." I doubted that. I distinctly remembered that Remus' refusal to let me accompany them on the full moon had sent me over the ledge.

Remus was silent for a minute before he stood up. "Desperate? Desperate for what, Kate?"

"Nothing. Forget I said anything. It was nothing." I tried to walk around him but he jumped in front of me and cut me off.

"Kate, what's been going on? Why have you been so tired lately?"

"I haven't been."

"Kate, I've seen the signs. I know something is wrong. Please, just tell me."

I avoided his eyes, knowing that he would be able to see right through me—not that he wasn't already—but when he placed his thumb and forefinger on my chin and lifted it, I had no choice but to look deep into his pleading eyes. They were sad; sad because I didn't trust him with my secret. They were concerned, concerned for my well being. And they were smoldering; smoldering with a passion I didn't understand.

"I haven't been sleeping." It was an obvious answer. Remus knew that and he didn't let me end it there.

"Why haven't you been sleeping?"

I shrugged. "I've been having nightmares."

"Nightmares?"

"Well _nightmare_ really. It's always the same one."

"Tell me about it. What happens?"

"There's this girl. She's eight or nine, maybe. I don't know; she's pre-Hogwarts age. And she's trapped in this house on a hill, and the house is on fire. She keeps calling out for help, but I'm the only one there. I try to help her, but I can't."

"What do you mean you can't?" Remus asked when he realized I wasn't going to elaborate on my own.

"My magic won't work. I try 'Aguamenti' but nothing happens. I try other spells, but nothing happens. I can't even transform into my Animagus form. So, then I try just walking into the fire and rescuing her the Muggle way, but I can't. Any time I get too close I start suffocating and blackout. That's what I mean when I say I can't."

"I see."

"I failed her, Remus. Every time, I failed her. I couldn't help her. So I stopped trying. I thought that if I could wear myself out enough then I could sleep without dreaming. So, I started reading every book I could get my hands on. When that didn't work, I started staying awake. I knew I couldn't save her so I tried to avoid her. I'm a worthless coward." My voice cracked and tears pricked my eyes.

"Coward? Kate, your first instinct was to rescue her. You even went as far as trying to rescue her without your magic. You'd put your own life in danger to rescue her. Kate, you are **not** a coward. You're a Gryffindor, and rightfully so."

"Well, maybe I shouldn't be. Maybe the Sorting Hat was wrong. I mean, Gryffindor wasn't even its first choice."

"What do you mean?"

"It wanted to put me in Ravenclaw, Remus. I asked, no I begged to be put in Gryffindor."

"Why?"

"Because James was already in Gryffindor. He was so certain that we'd both make it in, and I was scared not to get in. I thought that if I was placed into any other house, then he wouldn't like me as much and he wouldn't want to be my brother anymore. I didn't want to lose him, Remus. I was scared, so I begged to be in Gryffindor with him."

"But still, the hat chose Gryffindor, which means it had to see something there. It wouldn't put you in a house just because you asked it to. Regardless of whether or not Ravenclaw was its first choice, it chose you for Gryffindor. Maybe it was because you were daring enough to argue with it. I've never heard of anyone resisting the Sorting Hat's placement before. Come here." Remus pulled me into his chest and rubbed his hand up and down my back. I wrapped my arms around his waist and buried my face in his chest. I was taking every advantage of our close proximity.

"You are brave, Kate, you are," Remus whispered, as he continued rubbing his hand over my back. We stood like that for a moment before someone interrupted us.

"What's goin' on here?" Hagrid asked suddenly. Damn adults! Always ruining the moment. Remus released me and I wiped away the remaining tears with my hands.

"Kate had an accident," Remus explained. Oh great. Now Hagrid was going to think I was a clumsy fool.

"What kind o' accident?"

"One of the Tarantula Zucchini vines wrapped around her ankle. She tripped and spilled a basket of Snapping Radish. Six of them lodged their teeth into her hands. They bit right through the gloves and drew blood."

"Are yer alright, Kate?" Hagrid asked, placing one of his giant hands on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine now thanks to Remus," I responded.

"Blimey, I'm sorry abou' that. The fella I got these from said they was real dragon 'ide gloves. Tha's the last time I ever buy from him," Hagrid said as he scooped up the gloves from the ground. "Yer two go on inside now. I think yer done enough fer t'day."

"Are you sure, Hagrid?" Remus asked.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll finish tomorrow. Go on now."

Remus and I turned and started walking back up to the castle. What a relief! I was glad I wouldn't have to deal with any more of Hagrid's garden. I for one was hoping I'd never have to see it again.

"So, tell me more about his nightmare," Remus said. "The little girl, do you recognize her at all? Maybe from your past? Or from Hogwarts?"

"There are a lot of things from my past that I don't remember. And she looks too young to be in Hogwarts yet. She's got black hair, I think' it's hard to tell because of all the smoke and ash."

"Hm. When she's calling for help, what does she say exactly?"

"'Help me, please somebody. Please Kate, help me.'"

"She knows your name, but you don't give it to her?"

I shook my head. "No, she just knows it."

"So she must know you then." He stopped walking to think for a moment. I stopped walking to watch him.

"She just says 'help me?' not 'get me out of here?' or anything like that?"

I shook my head again.

"Well, have you tried asking her what she needs help with?"

I stared at him incredulously. "Did you miss the part where I said that the house she's stuck in is on fire? I thought it was pretty obvious that she wanted rescuing. I mean logically. I'd want to be saved from the fire if I were her."

"Right, logically. I agree with you there. But… It's just that, well, this is a dream we're talking about, Kate. Dreams don't always follow logic." He paused to let that sink in.

"I think the next time you have this nightmare, you should try asking her what she wants. Who knows, maybe she does just want to be rescued, but maybe she'll tell you how you can do it."

"Moony! Leo! What have you two been up to?" Sirius called out as he, James, and Peter approached Remus and me from the direction of the Quidditch pitch.

I let Remus tell the story of our detention. I was too busy thinking about what he had said. Could he be right? Could the little girl want something other than to be rescued? I mean, Remus had a point about dreams; they weren't always logical. I just might have to try his advice if the nightmare ever came back, which I had a feeling it would tonight. I, of course, didn't mention to Remus that I hadn't had the nightmare all week because I was still using his shirt to sleep in, but this morning I finally had to put it in the dirty laundry pile.

I left the guys out by the lake so that I could go take a much needed shower before dinner.


	10. Goddess of Memory

Goddess of Memory

_Bright star of beauty, on whose eyelids sit  
A thousand nymph-like and enamour'd Graces,  
The Goddesses of Memory and Wit,_

-_Sonnet IV: Bright Star of Beauty_ by Michael Drayton

_The fire was raging on like it did every time. The smoky haze rose high into the night. Ash rained down like black snow. Flaming tongues lapped at the sides of the house devouring it like a ravenous beast. And there, leaning out of the second floor window staring at me with pained and pleading eyes, was the girl. I was back on the hill in my worst nightmare._

_ I knew what she was going to say before she said it._

_ "Help me, please somebody! Please, Kate, help me."_

_ In a fruitless attempt to help her, I pulled out my wand and tried summoning water. As predicted, nothing happened. Over and over again I tried using my magic, and over and over again I failed. I fell to my knees and buried my head in my hands. My shoulders began to shake with my own sobs. Tears and mucus pooled in my hands. There was nothing I could do to save her. And for some reason I couldn't pull myself away this time._

_ "Help me, please somebody!" she cried again._

_ "I can't!" I yelled back in frustration. "Nothing I do works! I'm sorry!"_

_ "Please, Kate, help me."_

_**"Ask her what she wants, Kate."**__ Remus' voice sounded in my head._

_ "Help me…"_

_ "How?" I shouted out of desperation. "What do I do? What do you want from me?"_

_ The scene before me changed abruptly. I was no longer standing on a hillside. In fact, I wasn't standing on anything at all really, at least not that I could tell. Everything around me was black, but it wasn't the pitch black darkness where you couldn't even see your own hand when it was an inch from your face. I could see everything just perfectly, only there was nothing to see. It's odd I know, but I don't really know how else to explain it. It's like I was in a room in which the four walls, the ceiling, and the floor were all painted black. What may be even weirder, I was no longer crying and all traces of my previous crying fit disappeared._

_ The girl stood before me. Her arms were crossed over her chest. A coy smirk played upon her pale lips. Her light blue eyes seemed to shine in the darkness. Though they were still pleading and full of sadness, somehow they also appeared to convey hope._

_ "I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out," she said simply._

_ I meant to ask her what she wanted, but somehow it came out as, "Who are you?"_

_ "You mean you haven't figured it out then?"_

_ I shook my head and she sighed._

_ "It's time, Kate."_

_ "Time for what?"_

_ "You need to remember, Kate."_

_ "What?"_

_ "Remember me, Kate." As she finished, she leaned up on her toes and with her forefinger touched the center of my forehead._

I was jerked awake in bed and sprang into a sitting position. My chest heaved in and out; I was panting.

"Kate," Lily pulled back my bed curtains and sat on the edge of my bed. "Are you alright?"

My lungs felt heavy and constricted as I gasped for breath. "Fine. Why?"

"You just screamed. Are you sure you're alright?"

I closed my eyes and focused. "Bad, dream." I breathed deep and even and tried to look as convincing as possible. It must have worked because Lily relaxed, though her face was still scrunched up in thought.

"Oh, ok. Sorry to hear that. Um, we were just about to head down to breakfast. If you want, we can wait for you to get dressed."

"Oh, uh—thanks, but I'll just go with James."

"James and the guys are already down there," Emma said.

"Yeah, they just left the common room," Amelia added.

"Oh."

"Do you want us to wait for you?" Lily asked again, a small smile on her face.

"Uh—sure, just give me like two minutes." I threw back my bed sheets and swung my legs over the side. After stepping into the bathroom to wash my face and slip into my school robes—it was Monday; Sunday had passed rather uneventfully, and consisted mostly of sitting around with the guys and making sure they had their homework done—I walked down to the great hall with Lily, Amelia, and Emma. I easily found the guys sitting at the near end of the table. I took a seat next to Sirius, who was across from James, and much to my surprise, and James', Lily sat down next to me.

"Kate, we didn't see you in the common room, so we thought you'd already come to breakfast," Sirius explained.

"I just got up actually." I fixed myself a plate of eggs and toast.

"Morning, Lily," James said cheerfully.

"Potter," Lily replied coolly. "Kate, will you pass the sausage please?"

I reached for the platter, but before I could grab it firmly James picked it up and held it out for Lily. She glared at him with narrowed eyes before accepting. I mentally sighed and looked to Remus who appeared to be doing the same.

"So, Lily, I was thinking," James began but Lily interrupted him.

"No."

"What?"

"The answer is no."

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

Lily sighed. "You were thinking that since this coming Saturday is a Hogsmeade weekend and that since you no longer have a girlfriend, that you would ask me to 'accompany' you to Hogsmeade."

James smirked.

"No," Lily said more forcefully.

"Ah, Lily, Lily." James smiled and grabbed a piece of toast. "Usually you're quite clever, and under other circumstances I'd say you're right, that I would have asked you to accompany me to Hogsmeade. But, as it is, I wasn't going to ask you to Hogsmeade—this time—because I, myself, am not going to Hogsmeade," James replied haughtily.

Lily huffed.

"Actually, Lily, I think he's telling the truth," Emma, who was sitting on the other side of Lily, said. James beamed at her.

"It's Potter. What makes you say that, Em?"

"Because, the first Gryffindor Quidditch match is in two weeks. James is captain. He's called for an extra practice this Saturday."

Lily looked at Emma as if to say: 'how do you know that?'

"Michael was complaining about it all weekend because now we can't have our first Hogsmeade date—yet."

"You see! If you won't listen to me, maybe you'll listen to Emma here," James said. "I'm not going to Hogsmeade this weekend."

"Well… good, because I wouldn't go with you even if you were," Lily struggled.

"One day, Lily, one day." James sighed before turning his attention to Emma. "So, you and Michael huh?"

Emma's cheeks turned a bright pink at being questioned by her former boyfriend about her current one. "Yeah. We sort of bumped into each other in Diagon Alley this summer."

"He seems like a good bloke."

"He is," she gushed.

"Good, you deserve it, Em."

"Thanks." She bit her bottom lip. James flashed Lily another overly-beaming smile, Lily glared in response, before Sirius distracted him and Amelia distracted Lily.

After we all had our fill of breakfast, we gathered our school books and headed off to transfiguration, with the exception of Amelia and Emma who opted not to go for a N.E.W.T. in the subject. They, I guess, headed back to the common room. In the corridor, I was walking slightly ahead of James, Sirius, and Peter. Remus was walking with me when Lily jogged up between us and linked her arm in mine. I looked at her curiously; Lily and I didn't have a relationship like that. We were acquaintances, dorm mates at best. So, for her to come up to me in the middle of the corridor and link arms with me was…odd.

Lily looked at me. Her smile was sweet, but her emerald eyes were full of mischief.

"Er—hi," I said hesitantly. My eyes darted over to Remus, but his head was glued forward and he was acting as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

Lily took a breath before speaking. Maybe this was weird for too. "Do you think you could sit next to me in class? Ashley moved back to Beauxbatons this weekend and I just know that your brother is trying to find away to take that seat."

"Didn't you usually sit with that Snape bloke before?"

"I did." Her face grew stern. "Before. We don't talk much these days."

"Oh." Lily didn't need to elaborate on why they weren't talking. I knew the story. After we took our DADA OWL in June, Snape called her a...well, a nasty word. I wasn't there when it happened, but James wouldn't shut up about it for weeks he was so peeved.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said.

"Don't be. It's his loss." She tried to be strong, but I could see the glimmer of sadness in her eyes when she thought about it. "So, will you sit with me?"

"Uh—sure. I know how bothersome James can be."

Lily's smile grew wider as she pulled me into the classroom. I should have known though, that sitting with Lily meant sitting up front. When she pulled me into the middle third row I assumed she was taking it easy on me, but still, it wasn't the back corner where I usually sat. I took the desk on the aisle and began to set my things up for class, which included setting my ink well on the top right hand corner.

A wad of paper hit the back of my head and I turned around to identify the culprit. It was easy to see that it was James that had thrown it as he was imitating that I should open the wad. So I did.

_Trade seats with me._

It wasn't a question or a request, but a demand. I glanced at Lily. She didn't seem to be paying us any attention, but I wasn't willing to risk it. I rather liked my head the way it was and didn't want it to detach from my body. I looked back at James and shook my 'no.' He pleaded with his eyes and I shook my head again before turning around.

It was as I was turning around, however, that someone bumped into my desk. I didn't take note of who it was because my ink well was falling off and about to shatter on the floor. I sprung up and reached out for it, and suddenly things became really weird.

One second I seemed to be watching the ink well fall in the transfiguration classroom. The next second I was watching an entirely different ink well fall in a dimly lit room with flashes of light surrounding me. And still the next second I was back in the classroom before once again seeing another scene, this time I was walking up a set of stairs. On and on it went—classroom / a woman in a kitchen / classroom / a man shouting / classroom / a searing pain in my knee—until the ink well hit the floor and shattered. At the shattering of glass I was no longer in the classroom at all.

_I stood in the doorway of a small kitchen. A woman stood a few feet in front of me at the stove; her back was to me. Her charcoal hair, the exact shade of mine, flowed in tangled waves past her thin, bony waist. She knew I was there, and without turning around she spoke to me with a frail voice._

_ "Tell your father supper is ready." _

_ "B-but he's in his office."_

_ "Go get him!" she barked back._

_ I hurried from the room, frightened by her tone. As I climbed the stairs to the second landing, where his office was, I gripped the banister firmly as if it were the only thing holding me up. I was so scared, my arms and legs were shaking. The office door was slightly ajar and a man's voice was flowing from it in swift, harsh tones. I approached the door slowly; I knew I wasn't supposed to be in his office for any reason._

_ I poked my head through the gap between the door and the frame. The dark wood furniture stood out from the thick green flooring. An ink well sat on the corner of a desk. A man was in there pacing the length of the dimly lit room; he hadn't seen me yet. Someone spoke from a corner but I couldn't see who. I tapped my fist lightly on the door and it swung open._

_ "She says supper's…" I began with a shaky voice._

_ "GET OUT!" The man pacing bellowed suddenly. He halted his pacing and turned to face me. "GET OUT! GET OUT!" He reached for something in his robes and as he pulled it out he hit the ink well on the desk and it fell to the floor and shattered. The ink oozed out and stained the carpet like black blood. _

_ A strange prickling sensation on the back of my neck told me to duck quickly; I did, and barely missed the curse that was fired at me. I chanced a glance up and saw that the man had his wand pointed at me. I fled in fear, but in my haste I tripped over my robes and fell into the banister on the landing. Unfortunately for me one of his spells also landed on the banister and together our force broke the wooden structure. My momentum carried me forward and I fell to first floor. At first I was too stunned to feel anything, but then there was a searing pain in my knee. I inspected my knee to find to a piece of the banister had lodged itself in my flesh. I removed the offending piece of wood with a howl of pain._

"Kate?" A hand on my shoulder pulled me back to reality. I looked at Lily in a hazy daze before turning my eyes down to the scar on my knee; a scar which matched perfectly the outline of a broken banister piece. My head swam with the realization of what had just happened. I felt dizzy.

"Miss Potter, please sit down," Professor McGonagall said from the front of the room.

Sit? Sit? I couldn't sit. I had to get out of here. I had to think this through. I had to figure out what was really going on. Why, after all these years, had I suddenly remembered something from my past? My feet quickly led me out of the classroom on their own accord.

"Miss Potter!"

"Kate!" James called out.

"Mister Potter, sit down!"

I moved swiftly through the corridor.

"Kate! Kate, wait up! Kate, where are you going?" James followed behind me. His hand fell on my shoulder, and we stopped abruptly. He spun me around. "Kate, what's…"

"I remember."

"What?"

"I remembered something. I have to get to the Headmaster." I turned around again and broke out in a run. James' foot falls behind me told me was running too. I hadn't been to the Headmaster's office but a few times before, and yet my feet seemed to know exactly where to go. I stopped, puzzled, when I reached the gargoyle. I had no idea what the password was.

"Licorice snap," James panted. I paused only momentarily to look at him, before stepping onto the spiraling stairs. I stepped onto the landing at the top and knocked with the brass griffon knocker. The door opened and I stepped in.

"Ah, Miss Potter," the Headmaster said, looking up from where he stood next to his Phoenix. "And Mister Potter," he added when James walked in. "What an unexpected surprise."

"Sir? Isn't the point of a surprise to be unexpected?" James asked.

Headmaster Dumbledore chuckled. "Indeed it is, Mr. Potter, indeed it is. Now, what brings…"

"I've remembered something!" I blurted out.

"Kate!" James whispered harshly as he nudged me with his elbow. "Don't interrupt the Headmaster." I looked at the Headmaster cautiously; his eyes were widened with shock.

"Er—sorry, Sir. It's just that…well, I've remembered something from my past, and I thought you'd like to know."

"Ah, I see. Well, come in, have a seat." He directed us to the chairs in front of his desk while he moved around to the back of it. "Licorice snap?" he offered.

"Er—no thanks."

"Sure. Thank you." James reached out and grabbed one of the wiggling creature-like candies.

"So, Miss Potter, what is it that you remembered that is of such an importance for the two of you to miss a lesson?" The Headmaster smiled knowingly and his eyes twinkled a little.

"Oh, well, it's nothing to do with the fire or anything it's just…well it's my first memory and I didn't really know what else to do, and I knew you would be curious to know about it because you tried so hard back at the hospital, but then… and James, well, he wasn't supposed to follow me, and it's just…"

"Kate," James cut of my rambling.

"Sorry."

"It's alright, Miss Potter. Just take a deep breath, and tell us what you remember."

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath like the Headmaster had instructed. "It all started when my ink well fell. …"


	11. It Was an Accident

I know, I know, it's been awhile but here it is at last. I was going to wait until after Thanksgiving to post this, but now I figure I'll go ahead and do it now. (I can look over it again over the holiday and update it if I find many mistakes.) So here it is, hot off the press, Chapter 10!

The information about the Protean Charm was found on Harry Potter Wiki. ;) Also, posted on my profile are images of Kate's and the Marauders' class schedules.

* * *

It Was an Accident

_There is no light in earth or heaven  
But the cold light of stars;  
And the first watch of night is given  
To the red planet Mars._

_Is it the tender star of love?  
The star of love and dreams?  
O no! from that blue tent above,  
A hero's armor gleams.  
_

_-The Light of Stars _by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

I spent the whole time in the Headmaster's office going over every detail, trying to recall everything about the recovered memory. And though I could see the memory with pristine clarity, I could remember nothing before or after the natural beginning and end; every time I tried it was like running head first into an invisible brick wall. I didn't understand. If my memory had returned, why couldn't I remember beyond that one memory?

We were forced to conclude that my memory hadn't fully returned, but that just a single memory had. Was this a sign of what was to come? Would I be forced to remember every painful detail of how I received the many scars on my body? Or was this just a random occurrence brought on by lingering stress of the attack—I, of course, didn't mention to James or the Headmaster about the little nightmares I've been having.

With more questions than answers, James and I left the Headmaster's office nearly an hour and a half after we had entered. We walked back to the Transfiguration classroom slowly and silently. James hadn't really spoken at all since I started telling the Headmaster of my memory. I think that for the first time, James Potter was actually speechless. Neither he nor the Headmaster, nor I for that matter, knew what to make of the sudden return of my memory albeit a solitary one.

James didn't speak again until I reached for the door handle of the Transfiguration classroom. He actually grabbed my hand and pulled me across the hall away from the door.

"What are you doing?" he asked harshly.

"James, the Headmaster told us to return to class," I answered, a little taken aback.

"Yes, but you were about to walk in on the last five minutes of Professor McGonagall. She was furious with us for taking off at the beginning of class. She'll ten times that if we interrupt the last five minutes of her teaching."

I sighed and let my hand, which he was still holding, drop listlessly to my side. He was right, but I still hated missing class. I took a step back and leaned against the wall while I waited for class to end.

"So, er, how are you?" James asked warily.

"What do you mean?"

"I mean like, with all of this," he waved a hand around. "With all that's been going on, how are you doing?"

"I'm fine," I lied with a shrug as I looked down at the floor. I really didn't feel like talking about it with my brother, at least not at the moment. There was so much I hadn't figured out for myself yet; so much I hadn't told him. Unfortunately for me, he wasn't going to let the subject drop that easily.

"Are you really? Because you seem different this year."

"Different how?"

"You're quiet."

"I've always been quiet, James."

"Yeah, but you're quiet-_er_ this year. Are you sure you're fine?"

"You know, Remus mentioned the same thing Saturday. I only appear quieter because I haven't been around as much. But in reality, I'm really just as quiet as I've ever been."

"Maybe," he said slowly. He studied me with his piercing hazel eyes, and I had the feeling that, if he knew how, he would use legilimency to see if I was being completely truthful, which I wasn't. I had to fight to maintain eye contact to give him the illusion that I was though.

He was the first to break. He blinked and looked away; then, in an overly casual way, he said, "So, where have you been then? What have you been up to?"

"I've been in the library studying." This seemed to catch him by surprise.

"Studying? What have you been studying?"

"We're N.E.W.T. students, James."

"Yeah, but the exams aren't until _next_ school year. Why are you studying so hard for them now?"

"There's no reason why I can't study now. Besides, I've been having a bit of difficulty with the non-verbal aspect. That's what I've been studying mostly. It wouldn't hurt you to start studying now too."

"I have been."

"You have?" Now I was surprised.

"Yeah. Last week I charmed Snape's laces to repeatedly untie themselves and trip him. Then I charmed his books to attack him while he was down." James smiled, pleased with himself.

I sighed. "You were doing that two years ago, James."

"Yeah, but now I can do it non-verbally. Makes it a lot easier to get away with things when you don't have to say the spell."

I rolled my eyes.

"We could just bunk off completely, you know forget about Charms and everything," James said, changing the subject a little.

"No we can't. We have our first exam on Wednesday. We can't miss the day before our first exam."

"I don't know how Wormtail did it, but I swear _I'm_ going to get you to skip a class one of these days."

"I wouldn't hold your breath on that, James." I smiled genuinely for the first time that day.

I was positive that James had opened his mouth for some smart retort, but the bell had just rung indicating the end of class. I jumped from the wall and pulled open the Transfiguration door and headed straight for Professor McGonagall's desk. I managed to reach it before the first student could leave class.

"So nice of you to rejoin us, Miss Potter," the professor said bitterly. James was right; now I'm glad I didn't come in before. "I trust you had a good reason for leaving class?" she said a little skeptically.

"Sorry, Professor, but here," I handed her a rolled up parchment. "The Headmaster says he explained everything in this note."

"Dumbledore?" She took the parchment from my hand and unrolled it. As she read, I looked over my shoulder. The class room was now empty except for the guys who were all looking at me expectantly. I knew I would owe them an explanation, but I didn't feel like getting into it again right now. So, I looked away quickly and turned my focus back to Professor McGonagall.

"I see," she said at last. She rolled up the parchment and with a wave of her wand it vanished. "Should this happen again, then next time…"

"I'll wait until after lessons before running to tell the Headmaster," I finished her sentence.

"Indeed you will, or you will make up the lost time in detention. The same goes for you, Mr. Potter."

"Yes, Professor," James said.

Without another word, Professor McGonagall gathered up her things and left. Having no other choice now, I turned around and faced the guys.

"Here, I gathered up your things for you," Remus said, handing me my back pack.

"Thanks."

"So, are you going to tell us what that was all about?" Sirius asked.

"Hmm, no," I replied simply before heading for the door.

"What? No? What do you mean no?"

"Kate, aren't you going to tell us why you ran out like that?" Peter asked.

I looked at them all again when we entered the corridor. "Look, I will explain everything, just…not now please. I don't really feel like talking about it right now."

"Sure, tonight then," Remus said, putting an end to Sirius' questions… for now at least.

"Thanks." I took a deep breath. "Until then, can James and I borrow your notes?" I spoke to Remus.

"Speak for yourself. I don't need any notes," James said.

"Of course you can, Kate." Remus ignored James and handed me his notes anyways.

"Thanks. I'll, ah, be in the common room with these then." I smiled feebly at them before heading off.

In the common room, I set my stuff up at one of the tables against the outer wall. I sat so that my back was to the wall and I could see the whole of the common room; I hated not knowing what was behind me. Once comfortable I immediately began reading over Remus' notes. Usually I found interpreting Remus' notes a simple matter—we had similar note taking styles—but this time was different. I could still read his notes just fine; understanding them was a different matter. We had started talking about the Protean Charm at the end of the last class, and according to Remus' notes, Professor McGonagall went into more elaborate detail about the charm this class. Also according to the notes, the charm would be on the next exam—which was next Monday.

I sighed heavily as I dropped the notes on the table and sat back in the chair. The Protean Charm was really difficult.

"Is everything alright?" I looked up into the gentle eyes of Remus. "You can read everything can't you? I tried to write extra legible since I knew you'd need to see them."

"Thanks. Yeah, I can read them just fine. I just don't understand them. I mean the charm. Your notes are fine; it's the charm I don't understand."

"Do you want me to try to explain it a bit?"

"Yeah sure, that'll be great."

Remus smiled and pulled a chair around to sit next to me. "Right, well why don't we start with what you do know? What can you tell me about the Protean Charm?"

"Well, I first came across it during my readings last month, in my attempts to tire my brain."

Remus nodded slightly.

"First, the term protean stems from Proteus; he was a god in Greek Mythology who could easily change shape, thus protean means readily changeable or versatile."

Remus nodded again, a smile on his lips.

"The Protean Charm links objects together for a common purpose. And when one of the objects changes the others change as well. And though its name may suggest that it is spell best suited for Charms class, due to the changing aspect it is classified as a Transfiguration subject. "

"Right. You seem to have a pretty good understanding of the charm to me."

"I understand the theory; that part's simple, Remus. I don't understand the practical part of it."

"Alright. What about the practical part don't you understand? Is it the changing part? Because that's what I find trouble with, but then again, you're much better at transfiguration than I am."

I smiled shyly. "It's the linking part that confuses me."

"Hmm, well let's look at that aspect a little closer then, shall we?" Remus moved his chair even closer as he leaned forward to look over his notes. While he was looking for a particular section, I quickly scanned the room. I found no sign of James or Sirius. A sense of giddy elation filled the pit of my stomach and I turned my full attention back to Remus just as he found what he was looking for.

Remus and I studied for about a half hour before James, Sirius, and Peter came down the dormitory stairs and the five of us went to lunch. After which, James, Sirius, and Peter returned to the dorms where—Remus later informed me—they continued to work on their latest prank. Remus and I, however, returned to the table where Remus explained the Protean Charm a little more. I was able to understand the charm a little better, but I was having difficulty with the linking. Fortunately, Remus said that the test would focus mainly on the theory aspect and not the practical. The others later returned in time for the five of us to head off once again, this time to Charms. But after Charms, Remus had to be a Marauder so I was left alone until dinner; I returned to the table to work on my other homework.

It wasn't until well after dinner, when the sun had set and the stars had come out, that Peter brought up the topic he was most curious about: my sudden absence from Transfiguration. I had put my homework away and moved from the table to a chair by the fireplace to read when Peter asked about the memory; apparently James had told them that much. Sirius, being the closest to Peter, immediately slapped the back of his head while James stared at him murderously. Remus glanced at me cautiously from over the top of his copy of the _Daily Prophet_. I looked at all of them with wide eyes while I bit my lip.

"It's alright, Kate. You don't have to tell us anything. Wormtail's just being a git," Sirius said. I thought about it for awhile longer. Peter looked both anxious and guilty, and Remus went back to reading his paper.

"No, it's alright. I did say I'd explain tonight," I said at last. "Not here though. Let's go to the dorm." I marked the page in my book before unfolding my legs and heading to the stairs.

I walked up to the guy's dorm without checking to see if they followed. As I waited for them, I looked out one of the windows. It was a cloudless night, a perfect night for star gazing. My heart immediately swelled with a pang of sadness at the thought. I hadn't even taken my new telescope out of its box, let alone use it.

When at last I heard the tell-tell ruckus of the guys behind me, I turned from the window and sat on the nearest bed; it was James'. The four boys fell silent as they entered the room. Peter was in the lead and James brought up the rear. Sirius strode in and fell on his bed spread-eagle style. Both Remus and Peter sat on the ends of their beds, and James leaned against the far wall, arms crossed over his chest. Three pairs of anxious, yet calm, eyes watched me. I took a deep breath before starting.

"First, what did James already tell you?" From the corner of my eye I could see James shift uncomfortably.

It was a few seconds before any of them answered, and when they did it was Sirius that spoke. "Only that you got your memory back."

"I'm so sorry, Kate," James spluttered out. "It wasn't my place…" I held up a hand and silenced him immediately.

"I'm not angry that you told them, James," I said earnestly and James seemed to relax substantially. He even moved over and sat on the bed behind me. I turned my attention back to the other three.

"What James told you isn't entirely true. I didn't get all of my memory back, just one memory."

"What was it about?" Peter asked, no longer able to retain his curiosity.

"This." I pulled my skirt up just a bit and angled my knee so that they could see it better as I pointed to the scar. "It was about how I got this.

"It started when someone bumped into my desk and knocked off my ink well. As I was watching it fall, it was like I was transported to another time and place. It's all very strange. One moment I was standing the classroom watching my ink well fall, and the next I'm somewhere else entirely. It's sort of what I imagine a Pensive is like, though I've never used one before so I can't say for sure."

"A Pensive?" Remus asked in a more curious tone than a 'what is that?' tone.

"Yeah, it was like I was completely emerged in the memory.

"I was standing in the doorway of a kitchen. There was a woman in there, standing at the stove. Her hair was like mine, only much longer. I think she was my mum. She told me to go tell my father that super was ready.

"He was in his office, upstairs. I wasn't allowed in there, but that's where he was. He was in some kind of meeting, and I interrupted it."

"A meeting?" James asked. "Are you sure?"

"Yes. There was someone else there. I could hear him, but I couldn't see him. That's why the man got so angry, because I interrupted them."

"What did he do?" Peter asked.

"He told me to get out."

"With his wand," James added with disgust; I ignored it and went on.

"I fled the room but I tripped over my robes and fell into the banister. It broke and I fell to the first floor. Somehow, a piece of the banister lodged itself in my knee and left a scar."

"Wait a minute, go back to what James said, the part about the man telling you to leave 'with his wand?' Did he hit you with some kind of tripping jinx? Or some other spell?" Sirius asked.

"No."

"Only because he's a lousy shot," James retorted.

"You don't know that, James. You didn't see him. He didn't look the sort that's a lousy shot. He didn't hit me with anything. They were just warning shots. I tripped. It was an accident. That's all. No harm, no foul."

"But there was harm," Peter said curiously. "You fell of the second floor landing."

"It was just an accident, though. If this memory shows us anything, it's that I was a clumsy child."

"But you're not clumsy now at all," James said.

I stood up in frustration. "Yes, and I've told you before we don't know what kind of person I was before the fire. Maybe I was clumsy then, only when I forgot my life I forgot I was clumsy."

"I think you're overlooking something very important here, Kate. I know rotten parents when I see them, or hear of them. And I think this man was doing more than firing warning shots," Sirius said striding towards me.

I shook my head adamantly. "No. I'm sorry Sirius, but you're wrong. I knew you all would jump to this conclusion, that's why I didn't want to talk about it before. But it was just an accident!" I could feel my temper flaring uncontrollably, so I took a deep breath to steady myself.

"Look, this is the only memory I have of my early life. I don't want it tainted with harsh accusations. We can't judge my childhood on one ten second memory, and since we have nothing else to go by, please just accept this."

The guys were all silent as they contemplated my request. I could see that both James and Sirius were bursting at the seams with retorts and counter arguments; they didn't like my conclusion at all. Peter was looking on with a sort of morbid fascination, like he didn't really know who to side with. And Remus, well Remus had remained mostly silent throughout my explanation.

"She's right."I was surprised that it was Remus who spoke first. "We can't judge her whole childhood on one incident; otherwise, you'd have to do the same to me. It took one mistake for me to become what I am, but to say that my whole childhood was disastrous because of it would be a lie.

"I don't like the feel of the memory anymore than you two do," Remus said to James and Sirius. "But none of us can make a conclusion based on so little evidence."

"Thank you, Remus," I said.

"I can't so easily say it was an accident either, Kate. Only you were there. Only you know how you felt. Only you can say. And I trust your judgment."

I swallowed hard, and did my best to remain firm. "It was an accident."

Later that night, as I was trying to fall asleep, Remus' words played through my head. _"Only you were there. Only you know how you felt. Only you can say." _

What I intentionally neglected to tell anybody, was just how terrified I felt in the memory.


	12. Hogsmeade: and what came of it

Wow.. So it's been awhile huh? Well here's a quick recap...

Kate Potter. She's 16 and the adopted sibling of the infamous James Potter. She can't remember her past or how she got the many scars that cover her body. She loves to stargaze. She has a huge crush on Remus has trouble sleeping at night because she's haunted by a little girl with blue eyes who is stuck inside a burning house, and Kate can do nothing to help her.

About a month into the school year, Kate is attacked on the Astronomy tower. James was furious. Remus comforted her. James was furious. Come class time, Kate can't go back up the Astronomy tower, so Kate and Peter (who has class with her) bunk off and go to the kitchens. The rest of the Marauders find them there. James tries to cheer Kate up by dumping a pie on her. Kate wants to get him back but ends up throwing the pie on Remus in the hallway.

Kate and Remus almost kiss...but Filch interrupts.

Kate and Remus serve detention that Saturday. Kate tells Remus about her nightmares. Remus tells her to ask the little girl what she wants. Two nights later Kate does just that. Turns out, the girl want's Kate to remember._ "Remember me Kate,"_ says the little girl just before Kate wakes up.

That day, Kate's first memory returns. She was sent to tell "the man" that dinner was ready, but she wasn't supposed to enter the green office. "The man" got angry and fired spells at her. Kate tries to run away, but trips and falls into the banister. The banister breaks and Kate falls to the first landing with a piece of the banister in her knee. This leaves a horrible scar.

Back in real time, Kate runs out of the classroom and James follows. Kate tell Dumbledore about her memory, but no one knows why it decided to return suddenly. Kate and James have missed all of Transfiguration, but Kate decides to study some during her free period and Remus helps. Kate and Remus share a cute little moment together. Finally Kate tells the guys about her memory. James and Sirius are furious, saying what "the man" did was intentional. Kate insists it was just an accident, but doesn't tell them how scared she felt. All this happened on a Monday.

We also found out on Monday, that the first Hogsmeade weekend is coming up that Saturday and James is not going because he has Quidditch practice.

So that about covers the first 10 chapters. Here is chapter 11, I hope you enjoy... :)

* * *

**Hogsmeade:**

**And what came of it**

_When you wish upon a star  
Makes no difference who you are  
Anything your heart desires  
Will come to you_

_..._

_Like a bolt out of the blue  
Fate steps in and sees you through  
When you wish upon a star  
Your dreams come true_

-_When You Wish Upon a Star_ by Leigh Harline and Ned Washington

Compared to the events of Monday, the rest of the school week passed rather plainly. Except for Wednesday when we had our Charms exam; I found that quite exhilarating. Oh, and Tuesday morning when Lily cornered me in the dorm to ask if I was alright, considering my odd behavior in Transfiguration. The next big thing to happen was on Saturday: the first Hogsmeade Weekend of the year. Of course I had no intentions on going myself, but then Lily cornered me—she's very good at that, I've learned.

I was packing my school bag, preparing to spend the day in the library, when it happened.

"You're taking all of those to Hogsmeade?" Lily asked when she spotted my bag.

"No, of course not," I replied.

"Good, because…"

"I'm not going to Hogsmeade." Both Amelia and Emma were in the process of getting ready, but Emma suddenly stopped at my confession.

"Not going to Hogsmeade?" she asked. "But why?"

"I don't really need to. I think my time would better be served studying for the Transfiguration exam on Monday." All the girls gave me an odd look before I realized my mistake.

"I don't mean…I wasn't trying to say…I just meant for me, personally. It's best that I stay back and study. I didn't mean to say that I thought you should too."

"I really think you should come to Hogsmeade with us," Emma said after a slight pause.

"For Merlin's sake, Em, if the girl wants to study then by all means let her," Amelia snapped indignantly.

"But all she ever does is study. I think she should go to Hogsmeade. Lily, tell her she should go to Hogsmeade with us."

I won't lie, I was a little perturbed by the way they were talking about me as if I wasn't in the room or didn't have a mind of my own. Perhaps it was just a force of habit since we've never really had any substantial interactions. I was drawn back to the room when Lily responded.

"I think Emma's right, Kate. You should take a small break from studying. If you're worried about the exam on Monday, I can help you study tomorrow."

"This would be a great time for you to get in some Christmas shopping," Emma added excitedly. She was a bit enamored with the Christmas season.

"But it's only October," I said.

"Right, which means Christmas is only two months away. And you can't really shop for James when he's around, so you can shop today since we know he's not going."

She had a decent point I suppose, but I was usually pretty good at sneaking my gifts when the guys weren't watching.

"Come on, Kate. It'll be fun," Lily added.

I knew I could have tried protesting a little more, but in the end I would be no match for the combination of Lily and Emma. So, an hour later the four of us were sitting in a carriage going down to Hogsmeade together.

XOX

I looked up at the clock tower as it chimed the hour away. An hour. That was how long I'd been in Hogsmeade with the girls and yet it felt so much longer. I now remembered why I had never gone to Hogsmeade with them before today. At least when I went with the guys I was well entertained. James and Sirius always found a way to make Hogsmeade more interesting. Not that Lily or Emma didn't try, though, I mean, they seemed to be enjoying themselves. And they tried to include me too, but…well we had little in common and even less to talk about.

Suddenly a voice called my name and I jumped at its close proximity. I looked to my right to find Remus standing next to me. _"How did I overlook him?"_

"Oh hey, Remus," Emma greeted.

"Hello Emma, Lily, Amelia," Remus greeted each of the girls with a smile and a nod. He seemed to smile even bigger when he looked back at me though. I suppose his startling me was greeting enough, and so I mumbled a greeting back to him as I cast my eyes to the ground.

"Figures," Amelia said harshly. "Watch your back Lily; James must have been lying about his big Quidditch practice, and now he's waiting around some dark corner for you."

Amelia's cruel words about my bother deeply offended me and I quickly shot out a response without thinking. "My brother does not lie!" The girls looked at me strangely; they'd hardly heard me speak with such assurance. "Especially when it relates to anything Quidditch," I added in a softer tone.

"Kate's right," Remus said. "James is still practicing, and Sirius and Peter are with him. We were running low on a few things so I volunteered to replenish our stocks."

"Remus! I'm ashamed of you," Lily said astounded. "As a Prefect you shouldn't be encouraging James and Sirius' pranks, and you certainly shouldn't be buying supplies for them."

Remus smirked at her coyly, and I could see a hint of James in it. "Whatever are you talking about, Lily? I merely meant that we were running low on candies. Sirius has quite the sweet tooth, you know." Remus held up a large Honeydukes bag as proof. Lily looked at him skeptically, and with good reason. I knew there was probably a Zonko's bag hidden under all the sweets.

"But you know," Remus started, turning to me suddenly. "I couldn't find those biscuits he likes so much. I remember you telling me where they are, Kate, but I just couldn't find them. Perhaps you could come help me look again?"

He looked at me knowingly, with a hint of mischievousness in his eyes. _"Biscuits? What biscuits? Sirius didn't have a favorite biscuit; he'd eat anything."_ Remus continued to stare at me, urging me with his eyes. He was trying to tell me something, but I couldn't figure out what. Regardless though, I decided to play along.

"Oh, right…his biscuits. Umm sure, I can help you. I mean, if that's okay with you three?" I turned to look at the girls. Amelia seemed annoyed and Emma looked confused, but Lily looked amused.

"Of course you should go with Remus, Kate. After all, we wouldn't want Sirius to run out of his _biscuits_."

"Oh," Emma said startled as she looked from me to Lily. "Alright then. Well, we had fun, Kate. Perhaps we could try this again?"

"Yeah, sure. Maybe next time," I added half-heartedly.

"Come on Em, you were going to show Amelia and me that new cloak you were looking at," Lily said as she began to pull a still confused Emma away.

I watched the three of them walk away before turning to Remus. I was still confused too. "Biscuits? Sirius will eat anything."

Remus laughed loudly. "I know, Kate." He placed a hand on my far shoulder and gently turned me around as we began walking in the opposite direction as the girls. "You looked miserable with them. I thought I'd rescue you. Though, I don't think Lily bought it. She's too bright for her own good sometimes."

"So then, we're not getting biscuits for Sirius?"

"Not unless you want to stop by the Pet Shoppe." He grinned cheekily and I couldn't help the smile that spread across my face.

"You know, he'd probably eat those biscuits too." I pointed out.

"Probably."

We looked at each other, both grinning mischievously. The opportunity was too great to miss; we both turned in the direction of the Pet Shoppe at the same time. I noticed as we walked, that Remus' hand was still on my shoulder. Maybe this Hogsmeade trip wouldn't be so bad after all.

Going into the Pet Shoppe turned out to be an excellent idea really. Sirius and I only ever got each other joke gifts for presents. And ever since I had learned that Sirius' Animagus was a dog and he'd learned that mine was a leopard the gift always related to our animal in some way. Like last year for example, he got me a bag of strawberry flavored gummy mice, strawberry was my favorite flavor, and I got him a bottle of flea shampoo. While in the Pet Shoppe, I couldn't resist the urge to buy some dog biscuits for Sirius this year.

After leaving the pet store, Remus and I meandered around Hogsmeade without any real destination in mind. We stopped by a few shops here and there and bought something every now and then, but mostly we just enjoyed our freedom and our time together. The conversation stayed light and fun. We didn't talk about lessons. We didn't worry about nightmares or strange attacks. And we didn't ponder the meaning of life. We laughed. And we reminisced about earlier years and earlier pranks. It was honestly the best I had felt all year. I felt great! I felt like my old self again. I was laughing and having fun. That was something I hadn't done in…well since the nightmares started this summer. I felt like things couldn't get any better.

Remus and I had eventually made our way to Rosa Lee Teabag, a quaint tea shop on the east end of High Street that was much less frilly and suffocating than Madam Puddifoot's. We were sitting at one of the tables in the back drinking our tea and enjoying our biscuits. We were going to sit outside at first, but the sky had steadily been growing darker with an approaching storm so we didn't want to risk it. As I've already mentioned, we were having a great time and we were both very relaxed. So no one was more surprised than me, when I was suddenly hit with a bout of uncharacteristic boldness and asked Remus something that had been playing on my mind for some time.

"How long had you been watching me?"

Remus choked on his tea a little before sputtering a response. "Wha—what do you mean?"

"When you 'rescued' me from the girls, you said I looked miserable. How did you know? How long had you been watching me?" Remus looked down at the table sheepishly.

"Awhile," he responded at last. There must have been something in the air that day, or maybe there was some sort of truth potion in the tea we drank, because with the same bout of uncharacteristic boldness that hit me Remus suddenly confessed, "I've been watching you for awhile, Kate."

Remus' soft brown eyes flicked up to meet mine and my breath hitched in my throat. He was serious! He was genuinely serious! I could always tell when he was hiding something, and he wasn't hiding anything now. He meant what he said.

"I've been watching you for a long while, Kate. So long, it feels like ages. That's how I know."

"Know what?"

"That something's been bothering you this year. You're not your usual self. I know I've said this before, but you haven't smiled as much this year or laughed like you usually do. And I've noticed the difference. And I've missed it."

"You have?"

"I have; I've missed it a lot." He smiled earnestly. We locked eyes, but I couldn't take it for very long and my eyes dropped to the table.

"You know," he began after a pause, "you don't have to hide anything from me. You can tell me anything. I swear, I won't tell James if you don't want him to know. You don't have to go through—whatever it is you're going through—alone. You have me, Kate. I know you put on a strong front for James and Sirius, but you don't have to do that with me. You can't do that with me. I'll see through it, every time."

As if he wanted to prove that he could see through me, Remus added, "I'm willing to wager that you haven't even opened your new telescope since I did it for you."

"How…?" My eyes shot back up to his.

"Because I know you," he replied with a half laugh. "But what I don't know is why."

"Because it's not mine!" I suddenly blurted out. _"Where did that come from?"_ Remus sat back in his chair at my outburst and I dropped my head in my hands as I felt the sting of tears in my eyes. Apparently Remus knew I was crying because I heard the scrape of his chair on the floor as he moved to sit next to me instead of across from me. He gently placed his hand on my back and rubbed it comfortingly. At last I lifted my head again and wiped the tears from eyes.

"It's not _my_ telescope," I said softly. "_My_ telescope was ruined two weeks ago." I turned my head to look into those soft eyes again as I continued my explanation. "It was a gift, my first gift. The Potter's gave it to me shortly after I moved in with them. Apparently one of the nurses at St. Mungo's noticed that I watched the stars through my window every night. So, the Potter's figured I liked to star gaze and they bought me a telescope as a welcoming gift. I've used it every night since. And I know they bought me a new one and it probably has ten times better resolution than the first one but I just…"

"It doesn't hold the same significance," Remus finished for me.

I nodded my head. "Right now both telescopes are sitting in the bottom of my bedside cabinet and I can't stand to look at either of them because every time I do I feel the pain of losing the first one all over again."

I couldn't stop the tears that started falling again, but when Remus pulled me into his chest and held me I didn't want to stop them. I'm not sure how long we sat there like that, with my head leaning into him and his arms wrapped around me while his head rested on top of mine, but Remus didn't let go until I stopped crying and he didn't even seem to care that I had left a large wet spot on his shirt.

His scent lingered on my senses even as I pulled away, but his arm remained on my shoulder. With his other hand he grabbed a napkin from the table and gently wiped away the lingering tears around my eyes. As he did so his thumb brushed against my cheek, soft and caressing, and I couldn't stop myself form trembling at the delightful sensation. He noticed and looked into my eyes once more. I was captivated by the pool of liquid gentleness I saw there. When he began to lower his head towards mine I held my breath and sat perfectly still; he continued to close the distance between our lips.

I thought to myself, _"I can't believe this is happening again!"_ Of course, as soon as I thought that something just had to happen to interrupt us. A clap of thunder so loud it shook the tea shop suddenly rang through air causing both Remus and I to jump in our seats. We glanced out the window. It looked as if night had fallen early it was so dark. It wasn't raining yet, but we'd be lucky to get back to Hogwarts before it did.

"We should leave." I didn't even realize that I had spoken aloud until Remus responded.

"Yes, we should."

"Before it rains." I looked back into his eyes, but I couldn't read his emotions.

His hand lingered on my face for a moment more before he removed it and grabbed his Honeydukes bag. I followed suite and we left; our biscuits and tea sat forgotten and cold on the table behind us. We walked silently up High Street while claps of thunder surrounded us. Somehow the sky continued to darken, a seemingly fitting mood for how the day had ended. I noticed as we walked that there weren't many students about, most had already returned to the castle.

All at once the bottom of the clouds fell away and the rain plummeted in cold heavy drops to the ground; we were still several meters from the small cover at the train station. Remus grabbed my hand as we began to run. The rain pelted us, soaking through our outer layer of clothes. Our feet splashed through the quickly forming puddles as we ran. If either of us had been thinking clearly we would have used the impervious charm on ourselves to keep from getting so wet.

As we ran through the rain, somehow we found ourselves laughing uncontrollably and for no apparent reason. Remus helped me onto the platform to stand under the small bit of shelter before climbing up himself. The shelter was hardly big enough for one person, let alone two. Remus wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled my body up against his as we tried to squeeze into the tiny space. I could feel his chest vibrating with his laughter. I looked up into his eyes to find them shining with delight as he looked down at mine. His hair clung to his face and beads of water formed on the tips before slowly trailing along his cheeks. I dropped my head as I felt my cheeks begin to flush. I looked at the spot on his chest where my tears had once been the thing soaking his shirt, but as his whole shirt was now soaked I couldn't tell exactly where my tears had fallen.

"At least now your shirt is uniform again." I laughed as I placed a hand on his chest lightly.

When Remus didn't respond, I looked back up. A smile was on his lips, but determination was set in his eyes. With his left hand he gently tilted my head up and before anything else could interrupt, he brought his lips down to mine. While Remus and I had been walking around Hogsmeade laughing, I thought things couldn't get any better. I was wrong.

Now I knew, without a doubt, that things couldn't get any better. As his lips pressed against mine I knew what true happiness was. Nothing could beat this moment, this minute when his lips met mine. My body was flooded with a raging fire and I melted into him. Hardly knowing what I was doing, I slid my arms around his neck as he tried to pull me even closer. A booming clap of thunder couldn't separate us this time; only the need for air could do that.

We pulled apart gently, reluctantly. He leaned his forehead against mine and our lips hovered over each other. Neither of us spoke. There was nothing to say. We just enjoyed the moment, committing it to memory. My arms stayed around his neck and his were around my waist. As we heard the rolling of wheels in mud, we looked to the road and saw one of the Thestral drawn carriages waiting for riders. Hagrid must have sent them because of the rain.

"Come on," Remus said with a sigh. "We should get you back to your brother, before he comes looking for you."

James!

* * *

Dun dun dun...

Well I know it's been a long time and I apologize for that but I got stuck on how to get Remus to get Kate away from the girls. Then one day I woke up and suddenly it was there. I don't know where it came from, but I'm glad it came. I do hope it won't take me as long to write chapter 12 but there's no tellin'. I will finish this story, however. I love the plot and characters too much to not finish it.

Anywho... hope you enjoyed it. At least, Kate and Remus finally got to kiss!


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